Human Rights: An Art Exhibit

Beginning on September 11th, my painting, Banded and Broken in a Complex World, will be included in a global art exhibit dedicated to human rights. This extraordinary exhibit will be held in Caserta, Italy. Please take a moment to read the information below, which was provided by the curator Roberto Ronca. (The content has been translated from Italian.)

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THE CONCEPT

On 10th December 1948 , the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was proclaimed. For the first time in the history of humanity, a document concerning all the people of the world was drawn up. Everyone of us, only due to the fact that he was born, enjoys the rights endorsed by the Declaration. Everyone of us, regardless of the place where he was born and where he lives, enjoys these rights. Everyone of us has civil, political, social, economical and cultural rights. Everyone of us is equal to the others.

Is it always so?

In this exhibit artists speak about human rights. The title, simple and direct, without roundabout expressions, expresses the main idea which must go with everybody’s life. In this event, uncomfortable, complex and denunciation subjects are dealt with, in order to sting the conscience of all those who, enjoying their own rights, don’t think about all people whose rights are violated every day. The logic is based on the fundamental concept of art as a universal expressive form, understandable by everybody regardless of his language and culture, regardless of his gender, of the subject and of the languages used. Languages vary depending on the artists’ experience and mastery, and they create new relationships with the audience, who approach art feeling immediately involved and directly concerned. Uncomfortable images, violated rights images, images about everyday stories which should not exist, but even images which are able to deal with a delicate and difficult subject with wisdom and, why not, irony. The exhibition will highlight different ways to see the matter, since the event is open to artists from all over the world. It becomes so particularly interesting to discover in which way the perception of the concept of “respect of the rights” is experienced and expressed.

The event aims to shake consciences; it deeply wants to avoid common places brought by word abuse. To speak about human rights has become so common that the words “human rights violation” are deprived of all meaning and by now they touch us only at a distance when we hear them, without getting them into our heads.

The most immediate way to retrieve that conscience, essential to be really part of a system which respects everybody’s rights, is to see with one’s eyes all that artists have to say. Images insert themselves in one’s memory in such an immediate and strong way that all those who visit it will leave it more conscious and emotionally involved. To speak about human rights, according to artists, means to “pull out” many ideas which can’t find the space fit for the purpose in other events. wants to be a strong signal to all the artists and to all those who will visit it.

THE LOCATION


San Leucio, known as Palazzo del Belvedere, was the base of royal silk factories during the Borbone’s Kingdom in Naples. Nowadays at San Leucio is present the ancient silk factory which boasted silk productions all around Europe; still today, it is possible to find silks from San Leucio at the Vatican, at the Quirinale, in the Oval Room at the White House: the latter’s flags and Buckingham Palace flags are made with that material. The royal site, together with the Reggia di Caserta, has been recognized as Humanity Heritage by UNESCO. At San Leucio, inside king Ferdinando’s original factory, Palazzo Belvedere, today there is the base of “Silk Museum” where it is possible to find some of the original machines, still working, used for silk processing. It is the base of the faculty of politics of the Second University of the studies of Naples. Since 1999 during summer months it takes place in San Leucio the “Leuciana Festival”.

THE ORGANIZATION

The event is managed with the active cooperation of ADISS Onlus from Caserta, which promotes the Free Children project. ADISS was born with the concrete intent to take sports, above all football, to the suburbs of small and big cities, in forgotten hamlets, involving and fostering children and young people participation. With the project called “FREE CHILDREN”, ADISS opened free football schools and didactic labs for hundreds of minors at risk of poverty and school dispersion, developing a new and effective net among all social and institutional actors in the involved territories and becoming a real chance, a reference point.

There will be the opening on 11th September 2009. September 11th is the anniversary of one of the greatest tragedies in contemporary history: the Twin Towers terrorist attack. During the ceremony on Friday 11th September there will take place artistic performances in order to remember the attack, expressed through art language. Further events will take place during all the weekend and all the next weekends, even during the Saturday morning dedicated to children and school boys.

At the opening ceremony there will be the speech of Amnesty International representatives. During the opening ceremony the Free Children project will be highlighted since ADISS Onlus has recently dealt with it in Brazil. There will be a link with the shantytown where ADISS has performed its voluntary service and the World March for Peace and Nonviolence will be promoted.

The World March will begin in New Zealand on October 2, 2009, the anniversary of Gandhi’s birth, declared the “International Day of Nonviolence” by the United Nations. It will conclude in the Andes Mountains (Punta de Vacas, Aconcagua, Argentina) on January 2, 2010. The March will last 90 days, three long months of travel. It will pass through all climates and seasons, from the hot summer of the tropics and the deserts, to the winter of Siberia. The American and Asian stages will be the longest, both almost a month. A permanent base of a hundred people of different nationalities will complete the journey. In order to introduce the World March for Peace and Nonviolence there will be a representative of the organization who will report about the main moments. Then there will be a performance held by Spazio-Tempo.

During the event there will take place some conferences about the issues of human rights, with a careful view of the Campania territory and the discomfort situations managed daily by ADISS ONLUS operators. Spazio-Tempo will animate all the month of the exhibition thanks to international artists’ performances, action paintings, meetings with artists who will be available to speak about their works. International artists’ sculptures will be placed in the public buildings of the city of Caserta to give a concrete signal of the importance of the event. During the exhibition Spazio-Tempo will organize guided tours for groups of visitors and school groups.

For additional information including a list of the participating artists and a video about the event, go here.

The Old Bait and Switch (Part 1)

Were you hired for your quality management, compliance, or process improvement expertise? Perhaps it’s broad and full of people management. On the other hand, maybe it’s specific and project related. I’m guessing you applied for your position based on a juicy job description or networking conversation. Good hiring managers put a tremendous amount of thought into what they need and why. Of course, in most cases they choose their candidate based on experience plus personality, the perfect combination of hard and soft skills. I once hired what I would call a less intellectual candidate because at the time I needed someone who could handle monotony. I knew the potential growth rate of the individual matched my short term need to get the job at hand done. It was a risky choice with lots of thought behind it.

So you landed the position based on both experience and personality. It was a perfect fit according to the job description and the hiring manager. How exciting! Then why the hell did it all change once you hung your pictures on the office wall? Or maybe it was a calendar in a cubicle. I can answer that. Culture. Snarly creatures of habit lurk the halls of corporate America. They have vision, yes. They exercised those skills as they discussed and drafted that sharp job description, imagining new ideas, long term improvements, and strategic breakthroughs, like a band leader ushering in the winning football team. It was all a dream. It impressed senior management. It was great while it lasted. That’s what I call the corporate high. But once you hung your picture on the nail, reality set in. Take a seat. Hands on keyboard. Snarly creatures wait with nimble fingers resting on the water cooler lever.

This is what I call a quality quirk. In this blog, I plan to explore various corporate quirks that make the job of improving quality and compliance a constant challenge. Whether it’s from the standpoint of the quality professional, management, or line workers, there are numerous day to day realities that drive us all to head banging, verbose, animated stories at the dinner table, and road rage on our daily commute. Let face it, it’s frustrating. Is there any way we can nip this in the bud? I’d like to try one blog at a time.

So let’s go back to your new office with the nice pictures on the wall. Did my excellent hire get frustrated after he settled in? No, because I stuck to the plan. Hiring managers need to remember why they hired you. Often times, they’re drawn back into the status quo by the creatures of habit swarming like flies to your fresh meat, corporate khaki’s and new laptop. These guys are only human. Depending on the level of experience we’re talking about, the swarming flies can be managers, directors, or even vice presidents, all highly qualified folks themselves, virtually experts in their field. But you were hired for your specific quality, compliance and process improvement expertise. Why are they now telling you what will and won’t work? Why is your boss letting them? Oh, the conundrum!

Do I have all the answers? No, but I’ve been there a time or two and can tell you to take a deep cleansing breath. Don’t shout Six Sigma in their faces. Instead, first have a heart to heart with the guy who hired you. You’ve got to have support to fly. But whatever you do, don’t become a fly. Next, go meet the people at the water cooler – push the lever for them. Lastly, remind yourself why you took the job. Maybe it was a promotion, higher pay, a shorter commute. Then, hang another picture on the wall, one with lots of bright colors, take a swig of coffee and remember that you entered a field full of problems…that’s the reason quality, compliance and process improvement are needed. That’s why they need you.

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This is the first of a five-part series on aberrations in the workplace (with a quality management spin). To see what it's all about go here.

Also see:

Hocus Pocus Customer Focus (Part 2)
Hi My Name is Larry (Part 3)
The Jolly Metrics Hayride (Part 4)
Where is my Dream Team? (Part 5)

We all Make Mistakes ...

We all make mistakes ... especially me. As I was preparing to post the last of my five-part series on aberrations in the corporate workplace (with a quality management spin -- that's my area of expertise), I realized that I've posted them backwards! Oh brother! (If you recall from my into on the series, the posts were written over a year ago.)

But hey, since this blog is all about aberrations, which includes the dumb things we all sometimes do, I've decided not to stress about it. Instead, I've reordered the posts. At least that way, those who stumble upon them in the future can read them in the correct order. I screwed up. I learned something. I'm moving on.

Up next, The Old Bait and Switch ... Part 1 of the series you've just read backwards.

Come back soon for more aberration stories!

Hocus Pocus Customer Focus (Part 2)

So your colorful pictures are finally aligned on the office wall, deep breaths have cleansed you, and you’ve had a great heart to heart with your boss. Oh what a feeling! The next step is to schedule one on ones with your key internal customers. In your euphoric state, you envision all the accolades your quality initiatives will bring them. Of course, you’d love praise as well but you’re there to support them. After all, quality is a support function.

Hold it. Therein lies an insidious quirk, a kink in the road to that glorious employee celebration scheduled in your mind. Buckle up for the ride.

Those internal customers you’ll soon be visiting are often the same snarly creatures of habit lurking the corporate halls. Of course, there are many supportive customers willing and able to grasp the new vision; but it only takes one outspoken naysayer to infuse the quality culture with negativity and skepticism. But wait, customer focus is a key cornerstone in all the most highly regarded quality management philosophies and methodologies including Six Sigma, Lean, ISO, and Baldrige. From what we read and hear, customers everywhere love being focused on so why do we sometimes require magic to navigate around, in-between, under and over ours to accomplish the goal of helping them to help themselves? Sometimes it doesn’t feel quite right but we press on. But there can also be moments when the natural balance of the workplace suddenly tilts, rooms spin, voices raise, and political interests loom above the board room table. We begin to feel like a mouse in the corner and wonder why we were invited to the meeting in the first place. The elephant on the table is screaming and it feels quite personal.

If you’re lucky, you’ll never feel the ground shift. All your internal customers will be like angels smiling, handing you the golden keys to their castle, inviting you to swoop in, assess the situation, and perform your miracles of quality, compliance and process improvement. Perhaps choirs will be singing, no one will bat an eyelash at your suggestions, and even when you must re-adjust your strategy, they‘ll praise you for your ability to assess outcomes and foresee next steps. This is my dream. So far it’s only happened at about 2 AM when no one was in the office and I was lying horizontal with my eyes glued shut, allergy ridden and tired due to real world challenges.

So who are these people and why do they find it so difficult to understand that quality is a support function with goals supportive of theirs? There are as many scenarios as there are individuals. However, I’ve come across several commonalities that seem to span companies and cultures.

I’ll call the first Lacking Larry. This guy just doesn’t understand. He either lacks experience, IQ points, or exposure to quality principals.

The second on my list is Politicking Paul. This guy is the most dangerous because he has a hidden agenda that likely involves nearly every player surrounding you. He’s savvy and smart, looks good, talks good, and will or will not be interested in what you have to offer depending on how it supports his short and long term agenda. Watch out for Paul!

The third is Smiling Sally. Although she may have quite the glowing smile (almost like an angel) and says all the right things, she lacks true commitment to her own goals. She would like to please everyone, which causes stress and leadership issues.

The last on my list is Social Sue. This woman simply does not have the social skills required to communicate what she understands. She got where she is because she’s bright and works hard.

So what to do? First, hope that you do not directly report to any of the big four. If you do, more heart to hearts are required. If you’re off the hook in this regard, take another deep breath and say a prayer of thanks. But don’t get too excited. If one or more of these folks is your primary internal customer, you've got work to do. That work includes a highly delicate balance of customer focus and insightful evaluation, keen observation, and excellent communication skills. The key is to accept that these barriers are unavoidable. Part of the job is focusing on each customer as a unique individual. Cookie cutter approaches don’t usually work. Tap into your creativity and theirs to explore middle ground solutions that move the organization forward at the pace it can handle. Each sub-organization led by the big four may require a different pace.

Don't stop drinking coffee, breathing, and dreaming. Brace yourself for an exciting challenge and keep your feet on the high road. Dreams sometimes do come true. Lastly, don’t forget to think outside the customer focus box because nine times out of ten, there is no box. If you try to stay inside, you may find yourself out in the corporate cold.

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This is the second post of a five-part series on aberrations in the workplace (with a quality management spin). To see what it's all about go here.

Also see:

The Old Bait and Switch (Part 1)
Hi My Name is Larry (Part 3)
The Jolly Metrics Hayride (Part 4)
Where is my Dream Team? (Part 5)

Hi! My Name is Larry (Part 3)

So you’ve scoped out the creatures of habit at the water cooler as well as the other office types struggling to understand your role as a quality professional, including Lacking Larry. You’re still drinking coffee, smiling, and feeling the corporate high winds you sailed in on.

Before you begin to suspect those winds are the start of a storm, let’s take a moment to journey into the intriguing mind of your new friend Larry, a virtual composite of Larrys everywhere. As a Director, he’s likely spent the last several years diligently working to ensure that his high tech, highly regulated widget production unit is in tip top shape. He’s been rallying for a promotion ever since Politicking Paul moved into a VP position and the corner office. He’s recently hired and fired several folks. The rest of his employees rotate in and out his door while he struggles to navigate through typical office politics and figure out what makes his new boss tick, the third one he’s had in five years due to restructuring that never ends.

And perhaps we’re not supposed to talk about it, but at home he has two teenage daughters (one with pink hair), a young son recently diagnosed with ADHD, and an irritating mother-in-law. His lovely wife frequently complains because he works late, but she keeps spending money. It took Larry years of long hours to reach this level of success. When he was younger, his heart beat three times the norm when he thought of having his own office and a laptop versus a desktop. While in his thirties, he went to night school to earn a Master’s Degree. Overall, Larry’s a pretty good guy with plenty of IQ points. His life is complicated just like yours.

This could be Larry’s story. Who knows what his story is. The point is that he has one and he worked hard to create it. He’s got a plan and he’s moving forward, or at least he thinks he is. And in the split second that his office door stops revolving, in you walk with your fantastic ideas about how to improve his process or increase his compliance. Maybe you actually only have ideas about how to help him identify gaps and perform root cause analysis of his existing compliance data. Maybe you suspect he simply needs to clarify his key indicators or design a more straightforward scorecard. Regardless, based on what Larry’s been told, he views you as a self-proclaimed widget production expert. He wonders where the hell you earned your advanced degree in widgets. He suddenly gets a quirk in his neck.

Let’s give Larry a break, shall we? He’s just trying to do is job, one he’s actually quite good at. But so am I, you lament. I am the new vision, the corporate high.

Well, Larry doesn’t look so high nor does he appear ready to partake. So you wonder what he’s lacking. As you introduce yourself and explain your role in his vital widget operation, you wonder if it’s the lack of IQ points, experience, or general understanding of quality concepts that’s put a dull look in his eyes. Your heart sinks just a tad but you try not to show it. Got to keep the game face on. Focus on the customer. Focus on Larry. Focus.

How the heck do you win Larry over? The guy down the hall told you Larry needs help. Your boss told you Larry’s standoffish. The employee you inherited told you Larry is a great guy but too busy to talk to his direct reports for any length of time. Must I have a psychology degree to do this job, you wonder. No, but it does help to try and understand the story behind the desk. Delving into what motivates the creatures of habit, warriors of corporate politics, and game face gurus is key to understanding how you can help them help themselves.

Helping them help themselves is, in my opinion, the best approach these days. Quality management calls for Servant Leadership not a dictatorship or place for narcissist behaviors, regardless of how many black belt projects you’ve completed. Let’s face it, managers are busy. Larry may not know exactly what’s lacking in his current processes or how he can improve compliance, but he does have an excellent grasp of what chews up his time, whether it’s employee or customer driven. He knows what’s causing the quirk in his neck and what feels like a giant monkey on his back. If you can inspire him to share his concerns, if you can motivate him to show you his monkey, you can make a great start in not only winning him over but in helping him identify which issues can possibly be alleviated. Be his servant rather than a new quirk in his neck. Everyone needs a servant. Be a leader.

By the way, if your name happens to be Larry, please remember that we’re here to support you, not burden you. Our mutual goal is to make your work easier, your numbers better, and your customers and employees happier. Maybe, just maybe, this is the year you’ll get that promotion.

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This is the third post of a five-part series on aberrations in the workplace (with a quality management spin). To see what it's all about go here.

Also see:

The Old Bait and Switch (Part 1)
Hocus Pocus Customer Focus (Part 2)
The Jolly Metrics Hayride (Part 4)
Where is my Dream Team? (Part 5)

Voices of Narcolepsy: An Aberration Link

The protagonist of my novel, Aberrations, has narcolepsy. I chose to write about the condition because it's not only fascinating and poorly understood, it's also a great metaphor for how we all are, at times, in jeopardy of sleeping through our lives.

If you'd like to learn more about the condition from those who struggle with it daily, please take a look at this great NY Times link that has just come to my attention. Six men and women talk (literally) about the role narcolepsy plays in their lives.

More on narcolepsy from Aberration Nation:

Sleeping with Deuce Bigalow

Living with Narcolepsy: An Aberration Story

The Jolly Metrics Hayride (Part 4)

Organizational metrics, dashboards, and scorecards have skyrocketed in popularity over the last ten years. Quality professionals are in the best position to provide key data to support management decisions. Data driven decision making is a pillar of Six Sigma as well as an underlying concept of the best known and applied quality philosophies and methodologies. We all agree that management by data, rather than opinion, makes sense, right?

Then how come we spend so much time and effort collecting, calculating, analyzing, and formatting these darn metrics without always seeing the benefits? I call this situation the Metrics Hayride. Everybody wants to jump on when the horses get going, but if the ride gets too long or a bit bumpy, they seem to jump off as fast as they can. They suddenly have other priorities. In this new world of cell phones, instant messages, and in-your-face information on the Internet, corporate patience is far less than it used to be. The quirk of the matter is that the management leaders frustrated with the length and bumpiness of the ride are often the same folks unwilling to put forth the bucks to fund more sophisticated software or other tools needed to more quickly and accurately generate and analyze the data.

Let’s assume you have the general support of your management to provide organizational metrics. Then why is it so difficult to gain their approval to fund the tools you need? Well, let’s face it, it’s difficult to get funding for just about anything these days. It may be because there are actually other priorities, which is hard to accept when we hear someone complain about how long it takes to see the data, or when a flaw has been uncovered and you’ve traced it back to human error. Based on my experience, I suspect part of the issue is that management may not be seeing or recognizing real outcomes. This may be rooted in the tools issue, or it may be because they aren’t actively using the data to make decisions.

Keep your chin up and the hay out of your eyes; we’re all in the same wagon. Here are some solutions and avenues I’ve seen utilized in this situation:

• Creative exploitation of Microsoft Excel and Access: These have limitations but unique databases and macros that reduce human manipulation and time can be extremely useful.


• Befriending the Information Technology folks: Making these tech-savvy folks your new best friends can possibly change your work world. They know where the back doors and hallways are in your organization when it comes to technological tools. You may be surprised to know that another part of the organization already has what you need, and these guys may know just how to get it into your hands. If not, they can help manipulate and format your existing tools. Don’t be shy about asking for their help.


• Creation of a cross-functional working group to explore the overall issue: This is a useful solution if the metrics you’re responsible for cover a larger scope within the company. The team can explore the issues and possible solutions, including new technological tools. Presenting the issues and options as a team to a higher management level helps shake up the dynamic.


• Heart to heart, realistic communication between the quality professionals and management: Sometimes it’s about re-evaluating the goals of the organization. Asking tough questions that may seem to impact your job and relevance to the organization is not easy, but having the ability to redirect your skills and focus is key to long-term success. Depending on the situation, using a third party facilitator may be helpful.


• Exploration into how the data is actually being used: If it is being used, the benefits may not be getting the splash they deserve. If they’re not being used, why are you providing them?

The point of metrics, dashboards, and scorecards is decision making and action. If no one is taking action based on data being provided, it’s time to re-evaluate the activity. No one wants to spend time, effort, and funds on useless exercises and reports that end up in the circular file cabinet. I know some bright, creative people who commute to work day after day, creating elaborate scorecards, filled with color and depth, month after month, only to be criticized for the numbers on the sheet, so to speak. Data is data, and two plus two will always equal four. If you’re on the management team, please put some deep thought into your goals around metrics before you jump on and off the hayride so quickly. Are you going to actually do anything meaningful with the numbers? Are you going to accept and take responsibility for them and resist blaming the messenger? Are you going to provide the support needed to generate valuable organizational metrics that are accurate and useful?

Once again, it’s a situation where everyone has the same goals but they seem to have gotten convoluted. Those generating metrics are striving to help management help themselves. It’s time to remember that we're all members of the same team, and it’s not a hayride, it’s a business. Somebody’s getting paid to drive that wagon and keep that data rolling along. If nobody wants a ride, maybe it’s time to put the horses out to pasture. Metrics are dear to my heart. They're invaluable to business, but only if they're utilized.

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This is the fourth post of a five-part series on aberrations in the workplace (with a quality management spin). To see what it's all about go here.

Also see:

The Old Bait and Switch (Part 1)
Hocus Pocus Customer Focus (Part 2)
Hi! My Name is Larry (Part 3)
Where is my Dream Team? (Part 5)

Where is My Dream Team? (Part 5)

Ever watch The Office?

The undercurrent of truth relayed by the irreverent behaviors that abound at the office of Dunder Mifflin illuminates many of the primary issues that tie the noose on progress. They’ve brilliantly captured some of the standard personalities we’re asked to bond with in the workplace. While they’re limited to a reasonable number of cast members, corporate America has these types ad nauseam. Angela and Pam times 200. Michael and Jan times 300. And let’s not forget Dwight. Although he’s my favorite, multiplying him is quite scary.

Many of us brace ourselves for these folks every morning as we shower and dress for work. Most develop thick skin over the years, not letting our more challenging co-workers impact our personal lives. That’s all well and good, but what about the times when these characters seem to sabotage progress?

Gee, that’s every day for some of us.

Of course, there are wonderful people at work who make life a joy. Some of the best friends we have are found at the refrigerator, by the coffee machine, or in the cube next door. Some people even marry their co-workers. But for every kindred spirit, an opposite seems to creep out of the woodwork or paperwork. It’s the inevitable dichotomy of life. Sure, I’m easy going and can get along with most people. I bet you can, too. So why do we still struggle to collaborate?

Collaboration, or teaming, is one of the key cornerstones of Six Sigma and all other respected quality philosophies. But forget all that, it’s basic to the world of work. If you can’t collaborate, you’re dead in the water cooler. So what do you do when this flapdoodle gets in the way? For example:

• The guy on the team who spends 15 or 20 minutes bringing up the same issue a million different ways at every meeting because he just can’t let it go.

• The woman who continues to ask questions about things she really should know already. Or worse, she asks the question that was just answered because she wasn’t listening.

• The newbie who insists that you explain everything that everyone else already knows, chopping up half the meeting time.

• The 20-year veteran who continues to crack jokes when joke cracking time is over.

• The lady who slows everyone down by asking someone to read to her because she left her glasses on her desk again.

• The direct report who takes 20 minutes to explain something that could be best said in two.

• And lastly, the uptight middle aged career woman who takes every comment personally, filling the room with unnecessary tension.

“Where, oh where, is my dream team?” you beseech the dark clouds above your head as you walk to your car at the end of a frustrating day. Face it, these people aren’t going anywhere. Look on the bright side, you could work at Dunder Mifflin.

Whether you’re the leader, manager, quality professional, or a team member, you can make an impact on this seemingly endless situation. The best approach will be determined by your role on the team and within the company. The key is to put some thought into it instead of continuing to pull your hair out, talking to the sky when no one is looking. Any time you’re frustrated, there is one sure thing you can do to incite change – take action. I won’t lie to you. The best action may be to leave, as is the case if you’re at Dunder Mifflin.

But if you don’t work for Michael Scott, once you’ve evaluated each sabotaging behavior, the best tactic is to chip away at it one team member at a time. But first, tease out the behaviors you can live with; give people somewhat of a break. Are the behaviors actually slowing progress or just personality traits you don’t particularly care for? For goodness sake, don’t be too tightly wound. If you are, you likely belong on the list above. Next, identify the low hanging fruit, such as the lady who keeps forgetting her glasses. There’s likely an easy fix for that one.

The rest will likely call for face to face conversations. For some, this idea can be quite stressful. However, it’s best to take on some personal growth of your own and face the fear of confrontation; it gets easier with experience. If you abhor bringing up tough topics like inappropriate joke telling, just imagine how the jokester feels. He’s the one being criticized. I’ve found that the most useful and kind approach is to talk to people like you’d want to be talked to. Usually that doesn’t involve arrogance, sarcasm, or threats. You may be thinking that no one would handle such a conversation that way. Well, trust me, they do. Some people still believe that’s how to exert authority and lead teams.

The approach followed in these conversations underlies the corporate and team culture more than we realize. The gift of dignity goes a long way toward creating a culture in which all types can join hands and march to a single beat. That’s when mountains start to move. Let’s not tear them down thinking we’ll put something better in their place. That’s confusing the mountains with those who can move them.

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This is the last of a five-part series on aberrations in the workplace. To see what it's all about go here.

Also see:

The Old Bait and Switch (Part 1)
Hocus Pocus Customer Focus (Part 2)
Hi! My Name is Larry (Part 3)
The Jolly Metrics Hayride (Part 4)

Corporate Hocus Pocus

As some of you are aware, I've spent many a year walking the corporate halls of America. My last full-time corporate gig was a director position at Johnson & Johnson (J&J). When I landed there, I thought I'd made it into corporate heaven. It was heaven all right--a place where all the answers of the corporate universe were revealed.

There are some things you just don't want to know.

I found that out during the seven years I spent looking out my office window at a glistening golf green, hard balls flying here and there.

Don't get me wrong! I absolutely loved my time there and all the wonderful friends with whom I worked. But when I left J&J a couple of years ago, I was able to reassess my goals (in case you don't know, that's corporate speak). Soon after leaving J&J, I launched Aberration Nation, began painting, and finally fully committed my time to writing. I also launched a little blog called Quality Quirk but soon abandoned it to focus on Aberration Nation.

While working as a director at J&J, I wrote Six Sigma for Business Excellence (McGraw-Hill). That was the year I finished my MS degree and my novel Aberrations--proof that I'd mastered the skill of multi-tasking (more corporate speak). Today I decided to include the book here on Aberration Nation (see sidebar). Once I posted it, my wheels turned a tad further and I decided to post the five original Quality Quirk posts here on Aberration Nation. Corporate America is filled with aberrations--trust me!

So come back tomorrow for the first of five posts that will give you a glimpse into the hocus- pocus-aberration-filled realistic world of work. Whether you recognize your work environment or simply learn something new, I hope these essays will turn your wheels and float your boat.

First up, Where is My Dream Team?

... a story worth reading ...

The latest review of my debut novel Aberrations has been written by mom extraordinaire, Lisa Morguess. Lisa was spotlighted in the recent Aberration Nation Summer Teen Event (see sidebar for links). I encourage you to journey over to her blog, Book Lust, and check it out.

Lisa has invited me to be a regular contributor to Book Lust, and I've taken up her offer. Soon you'll begin to see periodic book reviews from yours truly on Book Lust! You can read my one and only book review here.

The first book I plan to review on Book Lust is A Mighty Long Way: My Journey to Justice at Little Rock Central High School by Carlotta Walls LaNier and Lisa Frazier Page. Mrs. LaNier was one of the historic "Little Rock Nine."

So why am I reading this particular book and not the number one book in America, The Time Traveler's Wife? Well, I've already read Audrey Niffenegger's book (loved it), and Mrs. LaNier recently agreed to be interviewed for Aberration Nation! I'm so excited and honored to have her as a future guest. Watch for her aberration story in the coming weeks.

If you've not yet read Aberrations, you can learn more about it and read tons of reviews on my site. I hope you'll check it out and give it a whirl.

Lizzie Miller: An Aberration Hero

This week folks are talking about 20-year-old model Lizzie Miller. She's being widely praised for posing for Glamour Magazine sans airbrushing. Lizzie is the same model who portrayed a "normal" woman in Glamour's 7oth anniversary issue, which spurred by March 26th post, NOTE TO ... Glamour Magazine.

Triple kudos to Lizzie for bravely showing the world physical features often dubbed as aberrations by the fashion industry. They are exactly what make her beautiful, unique, and real ... just like you and me! Raise your hand if you really want to be a cookie-cutter paper doll--to be confused with all the others. Not me!

Let's be healthy and be ourselves!

To read my post, NOTE TO ... Glamour Magazine and Glamour's response to the article, go here.

All in the Family: An Aberration Story

I love my life and all the family members in it.

When I was growing up in the 70s and early 80s, we were still watching Leave It To Beaver, dressing up in our Sunday best for church, and thinking that children of divorced parents were the only ones writing curse words in the baseball dugout at the park. Those were supposed to be the 'good ole' days. The definition of family was fairly standard: a mom, a dad, and a few kids, all spawned by the resident parents after the wedding night. Most of us seemed to fit that definition; in my neck of the woods, those who didn't were swept under the proverbial rug in one way or another. It's amazing how much energy, and pain, was spent on living up to that definition. For some, it came naturally. For others, it was hell.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all just exist in a cookie cutter world where everything was just peachy creamy? Where everyone effortlessly upheld their obligations, and we all loved one another because we were just so perfect and wonderful? Maybe. I'm not sure because I don't think that exists if we're being honest. In some ways, it's not a bad dream to wish for, but it somehow ignores certain levels of creativity and the amazing individuality of our existence. It sucks the unique dry.

Years ago, living in the Leave it to Beaver aftermath of our parents' world, there were so many things that were still "hush-hush" compared to now. Those who were willing to stand up and chose a life that was a little outside the normal definition were ground breakers in my book. Too many of the avenues these ground-breakers chose continue to be criticized today in some corners of our society. Certain choices, behaviors, etc. are still frowned upon, even if behind closed doors. And I'm not just talking about the obvious ones; there are still too many adults struggling to live up to impossible, unrealistic, or counter intuitive standards imposed upon them by others.

It makes me so sad.

But then maybe, like my guest today, Lisa, I'm overly focused on how to make everyone around me happy. When a child has an invisible brand across their back that says, "Someone important in my life wasn't able to love me like they should," regardless of the circumstance, it potentially impacts their life. Even when we understand the reasons, and have coped with them, we don't forget. The best we can do is focus on all the incredible love surrounding us. That's what Lisa has managed to do. She's a great example of how focusing on the positive is the best medicine for what ails us. And furthermore, her family seems to be composed of a bunch of heroes who understood years ago that family is just a word, and it's love that matters most.

You were part of an 'in family' adoption. Can you explain what that means and the circumstance?

First of all, I would like to say that all my answers are my impressions of what happened. Facts may be skewed due to family lore and what I always grew up believing. When my family reads this, they may tell me that some things in my accounting may not be accurate. So, having said that, let's go on this journey.

I was adopted by my birth mother's sister. As I understand it, back then it was frowned upon to do in family adoptions but whoever it is that took care of such things allowed it although I understand they had to go through the same process as a regular adoption.

When my birth mother got pregnant with me, as I understand it, my father decided he couldn't handle that responsibility so he left her. She went home to have me, and my birth mother's sister and her husband decided to adopt me. Family legend has it that my (adopted) sister said she wanted me as her sister so they adopted me. I'm sure there was way more to it than that but I like that legend.

Growing up, did you know the circumstances of your adoption? If so, how did you feel about it? How was it presented to you?

I knew from a very early age that I was adopted. I don't ever remember being shocked to hear it. As I recall, my grandfather and I were in his old station wagon, and I don't know if he thought I was asleep or knew I was awake, but he told me that I was adopted and that I was loved and always, always my family wanted me, but that the circumstances of my birth didn't allow me to be with my birth mother (he put in in little kid words but those are the meanings I gleaned from it). So, I always knew. And, I remember one time, I was at the Dr.'s office and on my chart it said "adopted" and I asked my adoptive Mom what that meant and she said "Let's go get an Icee!" Pretty much, it's the only time that I remember that I ever, as a child, asked anything about my birth or parentage. Hey, I got an Icee out of the deal, but I don't remember her talking to me about the adoption.

I assume you know your birth mother. How does your love for your birth mother and your adopted mother differ? How are they similar?

I have always felt close to my birth mother, Brownie. I always knew we were tied in a special bond that could never be broken. I spent summers with her and went on family vacations with her (she's remarried and has another girl from that marriage) and have many things in common with her, including, among other things, looking very much like her.

I have and will always have an inexpressible gratitude my adoptive mother, Ethel. She taught me all the things mothers teach their daughters (except they always wear clean underwear--that's for her in case she reads this--it's a family joke). She instilled in me a love for God and family. She taught me to love myself (that's a pretty good one right there) and to respect others and always do my best, no matter what. I never felt that I didn't belong where I was. There was never any differentiation between me or my big sister as far as love and devotion. I was never second best to her.

I love them both and am truly grateful to both for different reasons. Ethel, for the reasons I stated above, and Brownie because she was wise and strong enough to allow me to be raised by people who loved me unconditionally.

I love and have always loved Brownie, but even though I know I'm her daughter, there are some things that you don't get from a mother you don't live with. Like, while I appreciate her input and insight into things, and take them into consideration, Ethel's opinion will always carry more weight with me. I always call Brownie when I have news to share, etc., but as for the "mom" things, it's always Ethel. It's not that I love Brownie less, it's just that some things are more mom oriented, and or those things I communicate with Ethel more.

Have your thoughts and emotions about your situation changed as you matured? If so, how?

When I was younger I thought I was a honeymoon baby and that my father just got overwhelmed with all his new responsibilities. While that wasn't okay or excusable, I dealt with that information as I could. When I learned (later) that my birth parents had been married for five years when I was conceived, it was a bit of a shock. My feelings were hurt that my father didn't want to have anything to do with me--a person he helped create. And how must Brownie have felt? He was willing to throw both of us away due to whatever it was inside of him that couldn't allow him to love either of us.

However, at the time I found this out, I had an adoptive father, a step-father, and an uncle (whom I have always a great fondness for--essentially another father figure) and I felt I had enough daddies who loved me for who I was and as I was. I didn't need to waste time lamenting the one who donated his DNA to me just because he was was ignorant and didn't know what he was missing. I wasn't missing anything in the daddy department.

How is the relationship between your birth mother and her sister, your adoptive mom? Has it remained consistent over the years?

As far as I know, they have remained the best of friends over the years and I have only seen them close.

I do remember one time we all went camping, the entire clan. At that time, I had my first son and he was the only grandchild. Somehow something happened and from what I heard, there was a "I'm the grandmother" come-to-Jesus meeting between Ethel and Brownie and that's all I know about that incident. I wasn't even aware it was going on at the time. I did realize that something was up but didn't know it involved me. I've never had the nerve to ask about it. It wasn't really my business ... or at least I didn't think so.

Looking back, do you feel that the best decisions were made in your family with regard to the adoption?

Without question, yes. I can't imagine my life any other way. Really, I am blessed with the best of both worlds. I have a loving mother, a loving "birth" mother whom I know and love, a sister who asked to be my sister, and another sister who, when she found out about me, embraced me as her sister, no questions asked. How could my life get any better? You know when you're learning math and you have those circles and they are intertwined? There's some in Circle A, some in Circle B and then there are some in both? I am the one that's in both and I embrace that. I appreciate that.

Being either a parent or child in an adoption situation often makes one contemplate what love is, and what makes a family. What are your thoughts on this?

I've never questioned what a family is. It's at least one parent who loves you no matter what. It doesn't have to be a birth parent--just someone who can love you unequivocally. Ethel did (does) that for me.

Has being adopted impacted the key relationships in your life. Has this changed over time?

I think that my need to please people (thinking that will help them like me more) probably comes from being adopted. Always trying to keep things light, especially in tense situations probably stems from that. I think that, in my life, I've had a father throw me away (essentially) pretty much. It can't get much worse than that as far as feeling unloved. So, anything I can do to keep someone from feeling like they can "throw me away," i.e. please them, make them smile, love them unconditionally (sometimes undeservedly, as in the case of my first husband--hard lesson learned there!) etc., is my "raison d'etre". It's not conscious, in the forefront of my mind day in and day out, but looking at my life, I tend to try to be lovable. And my self-analysis tells me that this is probably why.

As I get older, I'm learning that it's IMPOSSIBLE to make everyone happy. There are just going to be people who don't like me, no matter what, and that I will live through that. It's taken me awhile, but, I'm getting there.

Although thrilled to become a sister, my daughter (who was adopted by my husband) became quite curious and concerned when I was pregnant with her sister. I believe she feared that her dad would love her sister more than her. She was 10 at the time. Based on your experience, can you provide adoptive parents with any tips or insight into how best to explain adoption to their children?

You know, I don't have any answers. All I can say is honesty is always the best policy. Age appropriate honesty. Make sure there is no differentiation in the way you treat the children. Unfortunately, ten is old enough to see how parents (naturally) dote on a baby, therefore, natural feelings of jealousy will emerge. However, I would buffer those feelings with stories of when she was a baby. Such as "you know when you were a baby we did this with you, too" and just make sure she knows you still love her. You cannot show/tell a sibling, adopted or not, that too much.

Someone once said something to me like "adopted children are special because they were chosen" or something to that effect. It's true, I feel special because, as I said earlier, my sister said she wanted me for her sister, and that offsets that "my father threw me away" mentality to some degree but reminders are always welcome for an adoptee.

I'm lucky in that I had Ethel who was willing to take me in as her own and I never felt I didn't belong there. Bob, Ethel's husband, loved me to the end of his life as his own and often told me the luckiest day in his life was the day I came into it. Henry, Ethel's second husband, treated me as his own and although Henry was tough and expected much, I knew he loved me. Brownie has always been a constant source of love and understanding and her house has always been a safe haven for me, no matter where she lived. And Brownie's second husband, Howard has, in his own way, shown me that he loves me. He sat down with me every night when I was taking college algebra and helped me with my homework. And, my sister? Try sisters. At this point in my life, I really don't differentiate between them. I have two sisters. One I grew up with and the other I watched grow up. I am blessed to be loved, as a sister, by both. And, as if that weren't enough, I have two great brothers-in-law and they both know the situation, but, again, love me as their own and I love them.

Life is good for this adoptee. I love my life and all the family members in it.

Shop Penelope Przekop

As many Aberration Nation followers know, I'm an author and an artist. As an artist, each piece I create has a unique meaning, and essentially a message for those viewing it. With that in mind, I've decided to create products using my art.

As with my writing, my art is an expression of who I am, how I view the world, and what I'd like to express. I'm so excited to share my creativity and philosophies in this new way, and hope it will be well received.

As a start, I've created several products using Zazzle. (Check them out below.) This is just the beginning! I'll add additional products on an ongoing basis using both my completed art and each new piece. I also plan to branch out much further than Zazzle. (That will take some time.) For now, I hope you'll enjoy what I've created.

If you love the products and what they express, please forward the store link to your network. You can also post links to my online shop/products, pick up the panel below for your blog, etc. by using the various methods available at the Shop Penelope Przekop Zazzle store. Here's the direct link to grab those tools. Over the next couple of weeks, I'll be doing my own leg work to get the message out in various ways.

Enjoy and don't hesitate to send feedback! I love it (positive or negative)!


buy unique gifts at Zazzle

Gender Bender: An Aberration Story

I just wish my ex-husband had the opportunity to be who she really is a whole lot sooner.

When I was a little girl growing up in the Deep South, I wasn't allowed to watch The Sonny & Cher Show; the clothes were just too darn skimpy. However, every now and then, my brother and I were able to sneak a peak. In those brief moments when Cher shook those tassels, feathers, and whatever else she managed to creatively attach to her slim bodacious ta-tas, I was smitten.

I didn't think about how much skin I was taking in; that meant nothing to a six year old with two huge ponytails. But there was something she exuded that meant the whole world to me. Her thin frame and long dark hair reminded me of my mother ... a happy version, singing and smiling. She was absolutely magical. And to top my fantasy off, low and behold, her little blonde daughter bounced across the stage covered in lace and softness. She melted into Cher's thin, loving mother arms with Sonny smiling down upon them. I wanted to be that little girl. I wanted to be part of a celebration, regardless of how tacky or sinful anyone in my southern neighborhood may have thought it was at the time. All I saw was love.

So I watched Chastity grow up, wondering if the love I witnessed would somehow support her journey. When I heard that she was becoming a he, I wasn't surprised. I don't care; I'm still just hoping that the adorable little girl I envied can have her happy ending ... just like I want mine. But after I heard the news of Chastity's sex change, I began to think again about what it all means. I admit that I find it tough to grasp. I love being a woman, and that would stand regardless of who might float my boat from a relationship perspective.

So what happens when someone like me, or you, is greeted by news of gender issues in someone we love? My guest today, Stacey, found herself in just that situation after being married for several years. Of all the long, winding roads life can take, few are as confusing and convoluted as this. How does one emotionally survive the shock, betrayal, confusion, and grief that can often be associated with the gender change of a spouse? Stacey has remarkably agreed to share her story.

While each divorce is unique, yours revolved around an unusual situation. Can you explain?

When my ex-husband and I had been married for seven years and our only child was about three years old, he told me about his feelings of wanting to change genders. This was completely out of the blue. He had not mentioned this before we got married. I always knew he was sensitive and not quite the masculine type, but I didn't realize that he was a woman trapped in a man's body. It was even more of a surprise because we had not had any problems in the bedroom. However, after he shared this revelation, our sex life fizzled to almost nothing. We decided to try to stay together and see if we could make the marriage work. It wasn't until his father, my uncle, and my father all died within a three-month span that I couldn't do it any longer. I needed that physical closeness only my partner could give. Unfortunately, he began pulling away from me even more. That's when I realized the marriage was not a marriage any more. I filed for divorce before our 17th anniversary and it was final four months later.

Most of us have difficultly understanding sex change, much less being married to someone who desires the procedure/operation. When you first learned of your husband's desire to become a woman, how did you react? How did you cope?

A number of things ran through my head. First I wondered if I was woman enough to make him stay a man. If I lost weight, would that make him want me more? It's like the steps in grieving; I was in the bargaining phase. Then I questioned my own sexuality. Am I attracted to women because I want to stay married to him even thought he doesn't want to be a man? Could I continue a relationship with him as a woman? Then, as he started down the road of gender reassignment, I just started feeling nauseous. How could I have loved someone like that? How could I have been intimate with someone who now wants to be a woman? I essentially had a nervous breakdown when he started the process. I couldn't handle it even though we were already divorced by that time.

You remained married for some time after learning of your husband's sexual identity issues. How would you describe the marriage? How did you try to embrace his uniqueness/aberration, from the perspective of being a loyal and loving spouse?

Since we had a young child, I spent more time with her and at work, and tried not to dwell on the fact that my sexual desires were not being met. We decided to go to therapy to see if we could work out our issues. I became more and more angry about the situation and he became more timid. It was like he was so caught up in the fact that he wasn't in the right body that he didn't realize what was going on around him. I felt that the weight of running the household was on my shoulders, and I was enabling his lazy behavior. It was like we were roommates and not lovers. We became more and more distant, and I suppressed my needs for sexual expression. I eventually began wondering why I was continuing down the path of doing nothing when I was dissatisfied with the relationship. We fought over small things and I began resenting him. I don't think I really tried to embrace his uniqueness at all, but instead hoped that it was something that would go away. It wasn't until 10 years later that I decided I couldn't ignore the fact that our relationship was not the way it used to be.

Like many people, I find the sexual aspects of changing sexual identity confusing. If a man becomes a woman, does he then seek to be with a man? If so, is he homosexual or heterosexual? Did these kinds of questions and issues creep up and how did you deal with them?

Sexual orientation is a separate issue from wanting to change genders. A person can go from male to female and still like women. A person can go from male to female and still like men if he was gay before. My ex had experimented with both men and women (I found this out after I married him as well), and she currently is not sure which way she wants to go or if she wants to have sex at all. She says she's asexual right now. The main issue is that transgendered people are not really accepted by straight people or homosexuals. They are often caught in a type of limbo situation.

Ultimately, you and your husband divorced. While divorce is more common than we'd like, each situation is unique. What ultimately happened and how did you cope?

I was very distraught over my father's death. He was my rock and I was daddy's little girl. My brother had died seven years before and my uncle had died the month before. I had no close male members of my family left. I was trying to lean on my husband to replace what I had with my father, but my husband was not up to that task. I began leaning on an ex-boyfriend of mine who was between marriages at the time. My ex-boyfriend had always been my confidante, but this time I was wondering if we could rekindle what we had in the past. He also gave me good advice about whether I should get divorced or not. I was calling him a lot trying to find my way because I felt adrift after my father died. Since my husband couldn't be the man I wanted him to be and I was over 40 by then, I decided I could not live this sham of a marriage any longer. I needed to be able to have a relationship where my partner could be the man I need him to be. I decided to file for divorce and my husband moved out.

Then I had to do all the jobs my ex used to do. I was very angry about this. I also lost his companionship. Questions would come up that I would normally ask him, but then he wouldn't be there to help me with the answer. It took awhile to mourn the relationship. I coped by trying to find guys in bars and in Internet dating services. Neither worked. I lost money on the deal with two of the men I met that way. I was getting discouraged about ever meeting another man that would be good enough for me and would want me at the same time. I was really angry because I married my husband for life and it seemed as if he had stolen the opportunity I could have had with another man and now I couldn't have another man because they didn't want me because I was over 40, overweight, too smart, and too independent. It wasn't until I decided to stop looking for men and joined Facebook that I met my fiance, Kevin. Since meeting him, I have been able to cope with a lot of my problems because I have him in my life. I feel like I can start a new life with him.

What advice can you share with men or women who meet the news that their spouse want to change their sex?

I would say that the man or woman will have to decide whether they want to stay with that spouse and help them through the transition or leave and find another partner. If the transgendered person really feels that they are in the wrong body, that feeling is not going to go away. It's not going to be easy for that person to stay the sex they don't want to be.

I couldn't stay in the relationship because I want a man. However, some spouses are able to stay and appreciate the person regardless of the gender they are. I would encourage the spouse to read up on what transgendered is all about and even see a therapist that specializes in treating people with those feelings. It is a decision that each person has to make on their own. I didn't like having to make the choice I did, but I didn't see any other way to make the marriage work. Now I'm glad I made that choice because I'm struggling to deal with the person who is no longer the man I fell in love with. It's almost like another woman took my husband away and yet she is him. It's something I still struggle with and it's not an easy decision. I would not rush into a decision, but I would not stay in a marriage that's not what both partners want.

What do you think are the top misconceptions about sex change?

I think the biggest misconception is that the person wants to change genders on purpose--that they can make the decision to stay the way they are. This is something the person is born with. Another misconception is that transgendered people are just transvestites. Transvestites can be straight, but just want to wear the other gender's clothes. Sexual orientation is also something that is confusing about transgendered people. They truly are separate issues. Transgendered people may not change their sexual orientation when they change from one gender to the other. Even though transgendered people are lumped in with the lesbian, gay, bisexual group, they often aren't accepted by gays either. It's almost like they're a group unto themselves.

What do you think are the top misconceptions about divorce? Do we still have them in today's culture?

Divorce is not as much of a stigma as it once was, but I think people fail to understand that a divorce is like a death. I'm still grieving the loss of my marriage and of the relationship I once had with my ex-husband. It's like he died and essentially he did because he does not exist any more. She does now. Also I don't want people to think that I got divorced because I was tired of my husband. I used to think that when couples got divorced, they either should not have gotten married in the first place or that they are not trying hard enough to stay together.

I don't think divorce should be used as an easy way out just like abortion should not be used as birth control. However, sometimes divorce like abortion is necessary and I feel that in my case there was no way to keep the marriage going. The marriage was entered under false pretenses and it took a long time to see that. My ex-husband misrepresented himself and I would probably have grounds to get the marriage annulled if I was into doing that. I don't think a lot of people realize that sometimes divorce is the answer no matter how much the couple has tried to stay together. I think I waited too long to get divorced and should have done it sooner, but I don't think I was ready to be a single parent 10 years ago. I'm much better at being one now with an older child.

One thing I would like to say to the LBGT community is that it would be nice if you could be yourself and not try to pretend that you are straight. At least if you're going to marry a straight person, be open about your sexuality. Let that straight person decide if he or she wants to enter the marriage knowing that it may not be a traditional marriage. I don't think I would have married my ex-husband if I had known he had these feelings. I wish I could have been given that option. I don't regret the child we had together, but I regret that I was unable to have the marriage I wanted. I hope to try again soon, but I do feel that being divorced carries a certain stigma of failure that is hard to live down.

What have you learned through this highly unique situation? What has it ultimately taught you about yourself, life, identity, and relationships?

Well, I have learned to appreciate all kinds of people. When I was growing up, I was around children of all colors because I was a military brat. Some were mixed race even. I did not judge people by the color of their skin or the slant of their eyes. I was not exposed to LGBT people directly. That was not talked about. It wasn't until I was an adult that I even knew anyone who had a different sexual orientation than mine. I wish I had been exposed more because now I have a certain gaydar that I didn't have in the past. I can sense when someone is gay or not. I wasn't able to pick that up in the past. If I had, perhaps I may have recognized it with my ex-husband. I have also learned that people should not be ashamed to say if they are LGBT. I know some people may say that they can't come out because of the prejudice of others. I realize that is the case.

I would like to ask those who have prejudice against LGBT to really ask themselves why they have that prejudice. Are they afraid that the LGBT people are going to convert them to the dark side? Are they afraid that their children will be converted? It's not like that. Having friends in the LGBT community, I've grown to love them for themselves when they can be open about their sexuality. When they have to hide it, it's not comfortable for them or for me. I'm hoping that there will be a day when LGBT people will not have to hide their sexuality any more. What someone does in the privacy of their own home is none of my business. I will not like anyone less because they are LGBT.

I just wish my ex-husband had the opportunity to be who she really is a whole lot sooner. Maybe things would be different between us now. We might have been friends instead of having this antagonism between us. So what I have learned most of all? It is that everyone should be allowed to be themselves without having to worry about whether they will be accepted.

Evolution of a City Street Mural

Since I'll be on vacation this week, I've decided to post some pictures to demonstrate how the Philadelphia mural is progressing.

I'm painting this 11.5 x 13 foot mural for The Fortress of the Arts, an art gallery, professional photography studio, community art hub, and more ... located in North Philadelphia. The mural incorporates many of the activities that go on at the Fortress as well as the multicultural nature of the surrounding community and the highly creative folks involved in the Fortress.

The painting began on June 28th during a community event sponsored by the Fortress. On that day, we encouraged members of the community to come out and help paint. It was a lot of fun!

I continued to work on the mural throughout July, and plan to finish by mid-August. Creating it has been a new, challenging, and rewarding experience for me and I've loved every minute of it! With that said, I'm looking forward to getting back into my studio. My next painting will be on an 18 x 24 inch canvas. After painting the 11.5 x 13 foot mural, I'm sure the canvas will seem like a tiny white Chicklet.


This is my daughter, Phoebe, and I just after creating a giant grid. We had to do this ahead of time so that I could draw the image onto the concrete panel prior to the community event.



Here you can see the grid lines and the drawing I transferred onto the concrete surface.



Here I began drawing the image. It's messy but will be cleaned up during the painting process. Using a grid provides lines to help maintain perspective as I draw. Some people can do this without a grid, but not me!









Here are two pictures of the community helping put some of the first strokes on the mural. Everyone had a blast.



I began painting during the community event. It was tough to paint and manage all the help! My toes were sore the next day from trying to reach so high. I was glad to be tall that day.

The pics below demonstrate the mural's progression between June 28th and July 31st. Each pic represents a day's work (~ 5 hours in the sun). In some of the pics, it may not seem like a tremendous amount was accomplished, but it actually was. I had to paint multiple coats of some colors and continually fill in spots that soaked into the concrete.

I plan to complete the mural when I return from vacation next week. There's still a lot of work to be done, but weather permitting, I should be able to wrap it up by mid-August.

















Coming up next on Aberration Nation: We'll hear from Stacey, whose husband decided to become a woman. You won't want to miss it. Watch for Stacey's aberration story the week of August 10th.