The Milwaukees: An Aberration Story

... playing music is like reaching out and pushing those blocks, but playing for an audience is that blissful moment when the blocks hit the floor.


I've always wondered if musicians share the same creative drive as writers, artists, etc. If it really feels the same. Although we gravitate toward different forms of creativity, surely there's a common thread, a rope we all see and feel.

Sometimes we find that rope around our necks, choking us, trying to say, "Wake up and get over it!" It hurts. Yet, in the end, it seems to be what we reach for, what holds us steady. What pulls us up, rescuing us from a life that might somehow ring empty without it. So we keep hanging on, believing that it's leading somewhere. To quote a Milwaukee's song title, it's our "highway to the sun." And I'm not so sure it matters what that sun represents in the end. It's just bright, warm, and comforting. Something we all long for, despite what road we take.

Happy New Year!

Since music and New Year's go hand in hand (and I have all these questions about ropes and such), I invited The Milwaukees to drop by for a chat. If you haven't heard their music, be sure to visit their site and check them out.

Here's a taste:





If you liked these, go here for a free download of their album, American Anthems, Vol. 1.

So break out the bubbly, kick off your shoes, get comfortable, and hear what Dylan, Donovan, and Jeff have to say about their never ending dance with music. It's in their blood. The won't turn back. Pull up a seat. Relax. Here's a peak at what their highway to the sun is all about.

How long have the Milwaukees been together. Are there core members who've played together prior to creating the Milwaukees? In other words, who's in the band and what's the story?

DONOVAN: The guys found me hitch-hiking on routes 1 & 9 carrying a bass (not true)

DYLAN: Not enough time. Blah Blah Blah. We're in our 30's.

JEFF: Some people are impressed to know that we’ve been at this in one formation or another for ten years. But I think that is something that guys in bands aren’t proud of. It almost feels embarrassing some times – sometimes it feels like Sisyphus. So we tend not to dwell on the gory details. The bottom line is that I joined the band in 2000 right before the release of the first real Milwaukees record. Dylan and I have been playing together as the Milwaukees ever since. We’ve been through a few different players in the rhythm section. I think that changing members has helped us evolve and keep things fresh. We still enjoy making music together now as much as ever. Maybe even more. (That's all that matters.) The Milwaukees are doing quite well in the New York/New Jersey area, which is a large market.

Is it a full time job or do you each have other careers/professions?

DONOVAN: Trust funds (also not true)

DYLAN: Let’s just say we are not strangers to elbow grease when we aren’t playing.

JEFF: Yeah, we all have jobs. The truth is, especially for a band that sounds like us, I wonder if being in such a metropolitan area, in terms of building a career, is as much of a challenge as it is a benefit. New York tends to favor more esoteric, avant garde music. That is not us. We have toured all over the US, Canada, and Europe, and I often wonder if we might make more of a mark if we were in a smaller market. We have always done well in smaller markets when we can muster consistent activity there.

Is the pull to be part of a band driven by the need or urge to create and deliver music, or is it more to do with being on stage? Is it both, and does it differ for each band member?

DYLAN: For me it is about creating music. I like to perform but I wouldn't spend time performing Eurythmics hits just to be on stage.

DONOVAN: I just really like music, and always have. It never occurred to me not to do it.

JEFF: In order to get myself on stage, I think I have distanced myself from the idea that I am performing. It definitely isn’t about the attention for me. I love playing music, and part of that process is the reaction and participation of an audience. If I didn’t play music, I wouldn’t have any desire to perform. Outside of music, I'm more of an observer.

Jeff once said to me, "The choice to be in a band for any length of time is definitely an aberrant behavior." While most probably think it's a cool fantasy life, there is certainly a down side. Can you describe what some of the lows are?

DYLAN: I think the ACDC song “Long Way to the Top if You Wanna Rock and Roll” about sums it up.

DONOVAN: Every band worth a damn has played a show to three people. That is never fun.

JEFF: Sometimes it makes it hard to listen to new music. I’m listening to what a band is trying to do. I know all of the tricks, and I’ve lost some of the innocence of just reacting to something that sounds good.

Tons of people love to create music; however, they're satisfied to keep it at the level of a hobby, church activity, sitting at a piano in their den, etc. If you've had to deal with and accept these lows/aberrations you've described, why do you keep at it? Is it worth it?

DYLAN: Sometimes it would seems like it's not worth it, but the alternative is just playing fantasy baseball and drinking. Music and drinking seem to be a better life.

DONOVAN: I may never know if it's worth it, but I enjoy doing it anyway. So I'm just going to keep doing it until someone stops me.

JEFF: I read a book called Stumbling on Happiness in which the author said that the purest joy in a child’s life is when they realize they can reach out and, for instance, push on a pile of blocks and the blocks fall to the floor. The realization that they can have an effect is bliss. For me playing music is like reaching out and pushing those blocks, but playing for an audience is that blissful moment when the blocks hit the floor. Trying to enhance that bliss is always worth it.

The The Milwaukee's are not a simple cover band. They create original music. From a creative perspective, what is the Milwaukees philosophy around writing music? Is there anything about the Milwaukees that is unique in this respect?

DYLAN: Nothing really original in the process. We try to let the song be the song. We try not to play too much.

JEFF: We’re real students of the game. We have studied our favorite songwriters. We’re always striving to be as good as the greats. We pride ourselves on song writing.

Is it difficult to maintain long-term relationships given the sort of on-the-road-out-late-at-night lifestyle coupled with daytime careers? Do those closest to you (parents, spouses, kids, girlfriends, etc.) have a hard time fully understand the commitment to the band / music that comes into play? If so, how do you best cope with this?

DYLAN: You've gotta get the right bird dog. Everyone else can go screw.

DONOVAN: I would think that maintaining relationships with people that can't understand my lifestyle would be difficult no matter what I did, so I avoid being around people like that. It's most difficult for me probably because I have to maintain the scheduling. I cope with it by drinking excessively. (That part is probably true).


The music and performing is obviously something you need. Where do you think you'd all be if there was no band, no outlet for what drives you?

DYLAN: Same place. Only jeans that have more room in them.

JEFF: If you watch Spinal Tap all the way through the credits, Rob Reiner asks the guys the same question. It's really tempting to quote them here:

“I’d probably work in a chapeau shop.”
“I’d become a full time dreamer.”
“I’d probably start making a fool of myself in public.”
“Well, as long as there is still sex and drugs…”

Those are the four best answers ever to that question. I can’t top them. I do other things creatively, but they all fill different needs for me. I don’t think that any one of them could replace music. Music is how I am wired.

For me, with my writing and now art, despite all the success that I want and crave, I simply have a need to continue expressing myself in the best way I know how, the way that works for me as an individual. At the end of the day, regardless of potential fame and fortune, what are your common goals? What will you think about once you're literally too old to play? What will give you satisfaction about what you did with your life on that day?

DYLAN: At this point for me, I have no regrets. I have an amazing, happy personal life. I also have great, golden memories of touring and playing with guys who I really care about and love like brothers. I really am satisfied but I'd be lying if I said I don't care that I never got a chance to make records as a job. It makes you bitter as hell and every band is. I still love playing a new song or even hearing a really great tune on the radio, even if it is Allison Krauss and Robert Plant or someone else you're really jealous of.

DONOVAN: Common goals are making good music. I don't plan on ever being too old to play. My styles may change, but I plan on playing until my hands fall off.

JEFF: We are voracious spades players (rhythm section v. guitar players). We play before shows. We play on breaks during recording sessions. We’ve even played while stuck in a traffic jam. I think we need to keep our music interesting enough that there is always another hand of Spades to be played.

Boundaries: A Novel

If you liked my novel, Aberrations, I hope you'll check out, Boundaries.

Boundaries is the story of Peyton Bound, a young woman who becomes embroiled in a tight love triangle while struggling to break away from her mentally ill mother. In her search for love, Peyton unknowingly chips away at her own self esteem, her mother's skewed perception, and her young lover's reserve. Only an emotional explosion can set the captives free.

It's a novel that explores the boundaries between mother and child, friend and lover, desperation and self-esteem. It's a story for those who seek to understand how a home filled with the love of God can still be hauntingly empty.

Boundaries is the first novel I wrote and has yet to be published in book format. However, it's currently being published in serial by The New York Optimist, along with my weekly column, "The Art Virgin." Read it there!

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Come back next week for a special New Year's post. We'll be hanging out with The Milwaukees!

Military Life: An Aberration Story

Learning how to lead and then leading American soldiers has been the greatest privilege and honor of my life.

I was born on a naval base and was shipped off to Japan as a six-month-old. My family has a strong military history, yet as part of a downsizing in the 70's, my disappointed father was forced out of that life. I was about five-years-old at the time. His dreams of serving were cut short, and Dad went on to have a long and successful career as a high school administrator. Still, the memories and remnants of military service lingered for my brother, John, my cousins, and myself.

Have you ever wondered what military life is really like? My cousin, Army Lieutenant Colonel Jerry Hall, visited recently, so I had the opportunity to pick his brain. Despite the prospect of war, being an officer in the military sounded so attractive that I ended up trying to recruit my daughter and her boyfriend! Given today's poor job market and our global issues, if one is brave enough, it's a worthwhile and rewarding option.

With all that said, it's not easy. The one thing we all know about military careers is their potential to separate families for long periods of time. That's just one of the down sides. So who are these brave people who choose to take on separation and, in many cases, war? Why do they commit their lives to serving their country--to serving us? Are facing those built-in aberrations really worth it?

I'm sure there are a million different answers to these questions. But to get an glimpse into that world, I decided to ask Jerry to share his story. He agreed to help us understand some of the sacrifices and rewards.

You joined the military right out of high school, which shaped your life in a major way. What inspired you to take that track, and how did your recruitment play out?

Our grandfather (Air Force Colonel Felton Hall) and your father (Navy Officer Bill Hall) were major influences that inspired me to join the military, as well as what I think was a generational urge to serve. I say generational because I think a lot of us who grew up in the 70s and early 80’s did so with the legacy of the Vietnam War (or perhaps the desire to overcome the legacy of the Vietnam War) and the experience of living during the Cold War. I wanted to serve in the military from an early age as a result of all those influences.

Going back to my grandfather, one of my earliest memories I have is of him in his uniform, the insignia of his rank shining in the sun. I couldn’t have been more than a year or two old because I think this is when we still lived in Michigan; my parents have a picture of me taking a bath in the kitchen sink with a carton of milk on the counter from Selfridge Air Force Base.

Later I can remember going up in your attic with your brother, John, to check out your father’s old helmet, flight suit and ceremonial dress sword.

My “recruitment” was less a recruitment than me going to the Marine Corps Reserve recruiter between my junior and senior year of High School and enlisting! My recruiter convinced me to apply for a Marine Corps ROTC scholarship at the same, which I ended up winning and using at Texas A&M for a year.

Was the initial military training as difficult as civilians hear it is? As a young man, do you feel that it changed you or your attitudes? If so, how and why?

Because I had experienced a year in the Corps of Cadets at Texas A&M as a “fish” or freshman, which was basically sanctioned hazing, I found Army Basic Training to be a breeze. In fact, it was so easy the Drill Sergeants made me the trainee Platoon Guide, which meant I was in charge of my platoon when the Drill Sergeants weren’t around.

Military training and service dramatically changed me and my attitudes. I was always fairly intelligent and athletic. I had a lot of potential, but I did not understand how leadership is more about duty and responsibility to others than it is about your own desires. I learned to live the Army Values of Loyalty, Duty, Honor, Respect, Selfless Service, Integrity and Personal Courage while growing as a person in the military. Learning how to lead and then leading American soldiers has been the greatest privilege and honor of my life. It was also a great experience to be a part of the Army as it reinvented itself at the end of the post-Vietnam era (I enlisted in 1982 and went on active duty in 1984), won the Cold War, the First Gulf War, and then went on to become the great organization it is today.

You went on to become an officer in the Army. Can you share a little of your military experience and what you’re doing now?

Here is a summary of my officer career:

1992-1994: After the First Gulf War, I went to Officer Candidate School at Fort Benning, Georgia and was promoted from Staff Sergeant to 2nd Lieutenant. After OCS, I went to the Armor Officer Basic Course at Fort Knox, KY, then reported back to Fort Benning to be a Tank Platoon Leader (four M1 Tanks) in the Infantry Brigade stationed there. The last year, I was the executive officer for my Tank Company (three platoons of M1 tanks). This time was devoted mostly to training my platoon, then company, for combat, including many training center “rotations” to Fort Irwin in Death Valley and Fort Polk in Louisiana for mock combat.

1994-1996: For my last two years at Fort Benning, I was the Executive Officer for one of the infantry companies in the Parachute Infantry Battalion that teaches the Basic Airborne, Jumpmaster and Pathfinder courses. This was an awesome job! I have 65 parachute jumps and completed both Jumpmaster and Pathfinder Schools. I also got to go to the 1995 D-Day re-enactment, complete French airborne school, and then jump into the same Drop Zone that my battalion jumped into on D-Day. No matter what people say about the French, the ones in Normandy still love us!

1996-1998: After being promoted to Captain, I went back to Fort Knox for the Armor Advanced Course to prepare me for commanding an Armor Company or a Cavalry Troop. After graduating from the course, the Army let me go back to school to finish my BA. I got my BA in History from the nearby University of Louisville. I was lucky there was a visiting professor whose expertise was military history, so the degree was fun. Plus I was a much better student at 31 than I was at 18!

1998-2000: After finishing my degree, I went to Hurlburt Field in Destin, Florida for the Joint Firepower Control Class (learned how to call in close air support). I took my wife, Anne, with me to this class. Destin is nice! Then we moved to Colorado Springs, Colorado after begging, pleading, whining, etc. to get back to the 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment, the same unit I was with during Desert Storm, and the premiere armor unit in the Army. Anyway, I convinced my assignments officer to send me, so I worked for a year as the Squadron (Battalion) adjutant, then took command of F Troop (Fox Troop; a cavalry troop has 128 soldiers in two Tank Platoons, two Scout Platoons, a Mortar Section and the Headquarters Platoon) and deployed it to Bosnia for peacekeeping duty in Brcko, Bosnia-Hercegovina. That was a great experience. We did a lot of good there helping Muslims and Croats move back to areas they were driven out of during the war (some Serbs too, although because my area was largely taken over by the Serbs, it was the Muslims and Croats who needed help returning).

2001-2004: After coming back from Bosnia, Anne and I took a short vacation to the Caribbean on a Windjammer cruise ship (they are actually sail boats), which was a blast. Then I went for a short six week staff officer school at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, followed by reporting to the University of Nevada, in Reno, to be an ROTC instructor. For one year, I taught the ROTC juniors leadership, and was the operations officer for the battalion (it included UNLV). After that I became the recruiting officer and taught US military history to the cadets and the university at large. Teaching the military history course was very enjoyable, and once I have recovered from getting my Master’s degree, I’ll probably go on to get a PhD in History so I can teach again. We had our daughter, Gillian, in 2002, which was nice because I was able to go to all of Anne’s doctor’s appointments and be there when she was born--which isn’t generally the case in the Army. Oh, and I got promoted to Major in January, 2003.

2004-2007: While I was in ROTC, I came to a point in my career where I could choose to do something different than my “basic branch” of armor/cavalry. This was a hard decision, because I loved being in a combat arms branch, and loved cavalry even more, because it’s truly the tip of the spear. Anyway, after a lot of thought, and because I felt it was time to focus on family, I chose to change my career path to Simulations Operations, a very new branch. So after ROTC, I went to United States Pacific Command in Honolulu, where I was responsible for running the annual exercise that trains the entire Pacific Command’s Commander and Staff, as well as all of the service staffs (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines). We use huge federations of simulations and simulators to put it all together, so we can simulate warfare from underwater to space.

This was a fantastic job, mostly because not only did I get to work with state- of-the-art simulations and simulators, but during the exercise I was also in the control (or umpire) group, and got to make up scenarios and, as Anne has observed, got to be the “Dungeon Master.” We also took vacations on the neighbor islands of Kauai and Hawaii (the Big Island) while we were there (the military has cabins on the beach on Kauai and in Volcanoes National Park on Hawaii). We were there for the earthquake in 2006, and the near miss by Hurricane Flossie in 2007 (no problems).

2007: So after doing simulations at Pacific Command for three years and getting joint credit (important for future promotions), I went to the Command and General Staff College at Fort Leavenworth for a year to learn more about higher level Army leadership. I started my MS in Emergency and Disaster Management while I was there. It was a nice time, the school is more relaxed that it was in the Cold War because people are deployed so much nowadays that they changed the school so it was more like a break. In addition to the basic curriculum, I earned a certification in Space Operations (mostly satellites and ballistic missile defense), and took classes on China and Chinese, because the Army was sending me right back to Hawaii to work in a missile defense unit.

2008-present: We moved right back to Hawaii after my school at Fort Leavenworth. In fact, we live right next to the house we used to live in, and Gillian goes to the same school and even has some of the same friends. I will probably stay in Hawaii for as long as I can. We really love it here. Gillian has a medical condition that requires special care, and right now the Army Hospital here in Hawaii or the Naval Hospital in Norfolk Virginia, are the best places for her, so we’ll probably stay here two-five more years ... than maybe go to Virginia. I now work in the Pacific’s missile defense command, so I do the simulations and “Dungeon Mastering” for all of the major missile defense exercises here in the Pacific, including Japan, Korea and Australia, which is why I travel so much (about six months in the last year). I was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel and finished my MS in December, 2008.

In talking with you and learning more about the military, it seems that they take care of there own in many wonderful ways. How has this changed over the years?

The military has gotten much better about taking care of families over the 25 years that I have been in. When I first came in the joke was, “If the Army wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one!” Now there are full-time family support specialists assigned to all units, and there are many programs and a lot of emphasis on taking care of soldiers and their families.

As expected, you've often had to leave your family for long periods of time. You've also had to participate and lead teams in combat. These are certainly aberrations of life; tough situations you've had to bear due to choices you've made. Has it been worth it?

Yes, it has been worth it, although I am glad that we had my daughter later in my career, especially now that I have switched to my new career field. Just the traveling I do for training and exercises has had an impact on her. I am in the Army and have deployed for combat and peacekeeping, but I have been amazed at the resiliency of our young soldiers and their families over the past eight years of constant war.

How to you cope with being away from your family? Do you have particular strategies for that or do you just sort of suffer through it?

Fortunately with modern technology, I can usually talk to my wife and daughter a few minutes every day on the phone or on the web. The military has “morale calls” where you can use military phones to connect to civilian lines from overseas and talk to your family for free. I also always try to bring home souvenirs and gifts from the places I visit.

How did you cope with combat? Is it something a soldier can ever get used to, or does it continue to be difficult?

I guess I was blessed with the “no stress” gene; combat did not phase me. But my combat experience was in Desert Storm, which was a very short war (only about four days of actual combat, although I was deployed for a total of seven months), so it’s hard to compare to the ongoing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, where soldiers have to put up with combat stress every day for a year or more. The good news is that Army has also come a long way in how it deals with stress and its effects on soldiers and their families.

Has it been difficult over the years to maintain close bonds with family and friends due to your military career?

Yes, although that may be more of an excuse on my part! When I first joined there were no PCs, Internet, cell phones, etc., and international calls were expensive, so I pretty much disappeared to all but my nuclear family. Case in point is you! We hadn’t seen each other for about 25 years when I visited last month!

Who are your heroes and why?

Tough…my wife and daughter, and every military family, are definitely heroes for all they do to support my service. Also every soldier, sailor, airman, marine and coastguardsman is a hero…because they choose to serve our country and others at significant personal sacrifice. Trying to pick individual heroes is hard because I know (and knew) so many, including many who made the ultimate sacrifice.

"Aberrations," the Song

Finally!

The song inspired by Aberrations is available on my new website. I hope you'll pop over and give it a listen.

While you're there, check out the new site. I'm working to combine my artistic and writing endeavors under one web roof. Within a few days, it will have a new domain name and become my official site.

"Aberrations," the Song: Original music and lyrics by Rhashon Hamilton.

Slice of Suburbia, 2009: My Latest Work

My latest painting, Slice of Suburbia, 2009, is approximately 25" x 36" on multiple layers of canvas. The painting has been created on unstretched canvas. Once stretched, the borders (which extend beyond 25" x 36") could serve as the painting's edges.

With this painting, I was finally able to toss out all remaining thoughts in my head about what I'm supposed to be doing as an artist, and expressed by ideas exactly how I wanted to. I see the work as bizarre, dark, and intelligent yet feminine and childlike. Lo and behold, I think that describes me! Maybe I'm tapping into something here ... hope so. I'm still evolving. Hopefully this is an important step forward.

This piece depicts my view of a dark slice of suburbia. Hopefully your home doesn't fit into this scene. What I wonder most is: Where do we go now? How do we dig ourselves out of this societal dilemma? Sure, there are tons of serious, obvious problems in our inner cities, but the Suburbs have issues as well. Let's not kid ourselves. I, for one, have made a commitment to ensure that I never find myself living on Predictable Road or Security Lane. I hope you will as well.

For more on my art journey, check out my weekly column, "The Art Virgin," on The New York Optimist.

For more of my thoughts on the Suburbs, read Chick Lit vs. Wit Lit: The Road to Literary Revolutionary


Detail Pics (more images and explanation will be posted on my art site soon):

Talkative Mute: An Aberration Story

... as parents, we need to let our children live as they are.

Sometimes I don't feel like talking to people. I'm usually quite the Chatty Patty at home, so when I suddenly become withdrawn, my husband usually asks me what's wrong. The truth is that many times I'm simply hit with the mood to sink completely into myself and recharge my batteries. I need a certain amount of peace and solitude. I'm an outgoing introvert. If I don't get enough solitude, I start to shut down when I'm around other people, even my family. For this reason, I've always said that my shyness is "situational."

It's weird. One day I'm the life of the party, and the next I'm standing in the corner feeling like I'm in some kind of bizarre bubble. It's literally painful. And I don't always know which it's going to be. I'm a loner at heart, yet I know how to pull out my social skills when needed. But sometimes I just don't feel like it; I can't bring myself to do it. This inconsistency has caused me trouble in the past, and has been frustrating.

Well, this is all peanuts compared to today's topic, Selective Mutism (SM).

I'd never heard of SM until last summer when a student wrote an essay for me on her aberration, which was SM. My guest today, Ivy, came across the student essay while researching SM, and contacted me. Her teenage daughter also has SM. Ivy wanted to share her story as a way to reach out to others who are faced with SM. It's a poorly understood diagnosis that has not only become her daughter's aberration, but also her own.

Your daughter has Selective Mutism (SM). Many people are likely unfamiliar with SM. Can you tell us what it is and how it presents itself?

SM is when a child is suffering from anxiety so extreme they become "unable" to speak in social settings (e.g., school, party, church, ordering off the menu or something we feel is simple as in greeting a new person, etc.). The key word to remember is "unable." Yet when at home around their siblings or parents, you may want to say, "Calm down, stop yelling, be quite!" like anyone else.

I can't tell you how it presents itself in other cases, as I can only speak for my daughter. It may be different with everyone else, but I can share my story and how it happened to present itself to us back in 1999.

My daughter was always so full of light and energy. She was always so talkative at home with me, my husband at the time, her older sister, one of the neighbors kids (her age) and her uncles, aunt, and grandparents on her dad's side. She would not say much and was more quiet around my side of the family, I thought she was "just shy" not seeing them often. The one thing I did notice, but did not really pay attention to, is she was clingy towards me. If she heard people yell, she would cover her ears and start shaking, closing her eyes and bowing her head down crying. she also would tend to point if she wanted something at times.

We felt she was just shy, until 1999, when she started public school. The first day she was full of excitement; she was going to be like her big sister, loving and chatting the entire drive over. I walk her in the class, kiss her and say "see ya later honey, I'm so proud of you." I head out the door and that is when it happened....the start.

I hear screaming as if someone was just hurt. "MOMMY, MOMMY, Mommy." I turn. It was my little girl crying through people to get to me. I ran over. She could barely breath shaking and crying. It brought me to tears. The nurse came over and took us to her office trying to calm the situation, and of course, the scene that was made in the hallway. I ended up taking her home and as we continued to try again. I basically sat in the class every single day inching out a little bit at a time until I finally made it out of the class room (patience is key to dealing with SM).

Still she never spoke. The entire year went like that. My heart would break because she would come home with wet clothes because she could not ask to go to bathroom, I've overheard other kids whisper "Oh, that girl over there, she doesn't talk." If they had a substitute come in and they tried to get her to speak, the class would say, "SHE DOESN'T TALK." The neighbor's daughter was in her class, so toward the middle of the school year, she would whisper to her as a way to answer people. It was her crutch.

The next year, It wasn't as bad to start. She still did not talk. I was brought in because the school wanted to officially evaluate her. I approved the evaluation to take place. They continued to try with her through the school year, and then finally I was asked to come in for a meeting again. That was it. I was "advised" that for the best interest of my daughter, she should be taken out of public school and sent to a school for Autistic children. Then the school explained how they are unable to access her, they don't know if she can read, write, let alone talk. I went into such a mood, I explained how she is fine, she reads better than her older sister did, we can't shut her up at home, etc... They said they had no other choice, basically she has a form of autism.

I cried and cried and cried. Clearly I thought these people are crazy. She is fine. I knew she wasn't fine, but I also knew it wasn't autistic. Come on, I see her at home all the time. A week or
so goes by and I'm watching 20/20. I look up and something catches my eye, so I turn up the volume and listen intently as I began to cry and shake. My older daughter says "Whats wrong mommy?" "Why are you crying?" I said: "That's it, that is your sister! Selective mutism!" A story ran on Selective mutism and the girl was showing every bit of my daughter. I knew it. I decided to take her to a therapist and thankfully because I saw 20/20, I was able to ask for someone familiar with SM. I found one and sure enough, my daughter was diagnosed with SM! Not autism, SM. We had also discovered that her dad suffers from SM as well, but has never been treated and he rejects SM, even to this day. Which explains so very much.

SIDE NOTE: If SM goes untreated, the person can turn to drugs and alcohol as a way to be able to come out and express themselves.

The psychiatrist then prescribed Ritalin in a small dose. She would not take it, therefore I put it in her oatmeal. She knew it tasted weird, but didn't figure it out that I was putting it in her food. It worked, she started coming out of her shell. However, I read info on Ritalin and I was scared about having her take it too long. Besides, her dad nor I had the money at the time or insurance to continue to go to this psychiatrist. So we thought it was over and she was getting better.

BIG MISTAKE! I basically had to try and deal with SM and everything on my own. I had no support as a single mom. It's been a crazy roller coaster.

Having support from your family is extremely important. If you don't have that, there are support groups. Although the SM children are suffering, we are suffering as well because we so want to help and we can't. We get frustrated and just want to SHAKE them to speak.

Throughout the years, here are some difficulties I've had:

1) Giving her shower/baths (she did not like help, was difficult for her to get comfortable). I always had to talk to her and say we are all the same, etc.
2) When buying clothes and asking her to try something on, she would not come out to show me. She would just say no or ok. As a parent we want to make sure it fits appropriately.
3) She never asks for anything. If I said "Do you want this? "She would bow down and say nothing.
4) When she came home from school if we asked her how was her day she would almost cower-like and not respond or say huh.
5) Never participated/raised hand in school.
6) Oh! I almost forgot, compulsive disorder also came with SM! She would measure her socks and shoe laces, if they were not even she would scream in tears until I fixed it and she measured it.
7) Wet herself because she would not ask to go to bathroom.
8) Never look at faces, even when she draws, she does not draw a face.
9) Cower if someone said hello.
10) Can only deal with one friend at a time.
11) Picks nails.
12) Refuses to go to doctors of any kind
13) I never knew when she had her first period. I still never know when she has it. I make sure I have pad/tampons etc.
14) She refuses to be labeled or accept SM.
15) She does not attend parties, social functions. If she does she sits and never says anything or moves.

Out of nowhere:

1)She performed in school talent show solo (I cried in disbelief)
2) Became a cheerleader
3) Played HS football (only girl and was an actual player) (110lbs soaking wet)
4) Loves being around children and animals

How did you initially help your daughter once you understood the issue? Has that changed over time, and how?

I wish I can help my daughter today. I tried the best I could early on as stated above, but now she needs to accept it. She needs therapy. I suggested that she could be of help to kids dealing with SM. Through her creative skills she can impact many. I put the material in her face to just read about it. She ignores it. She basically "shuts down" at any type of confrontation. Whether bad or good, she cannot respond or make a clear decision. What do you want to eat? Silence, look down, whisper "I don't know." It is the same response for any and all confrontational questions. She can not even accept a compliment as it seems confrontational.

I recently decided to start a support group in my area. I do try and speak to the teachers, because many do not seem to read the section of the report explaining she had been diagnosed with SM.

How has her SM impacted the family? As your daughter grew up, did her SM change or shift in any way, or has it remained constant?

We are now a blended family consisting of my husband and five daughters. The strangest thing is the dynamic between us all. I had given my husband the heads up about my daughter and since the very first day, she showed no sign. Of course everyone thought I was crazy. They did not see anything that I described. She instantly bonded with everyone. It was great.

But as our family continued on, although we are all very very close, the signs come out. How did the additions handle it? Proudly I say ... very patiently. They don't push, it is the worst thing to do as they (those with SM) tend to shut down more if you do. One of our daughters is doing her college paper on SM.

My husband, however, has been having the hardest time as of late. When discussing colleges, she shuts down, starts to cry. The dialogue is normally "We are so proud of you, where you want to go? Let's plan it out." "What needs to get done?" She will look away, look down, pick nails and then we ask "What's wrong? Why do you look like your going to cry?" She shuts down and cries.

She also appears to dumb herself down when someone, anyone, asks her a question. Even though she hears the question she says "Huh, what, huh???" It is simply avoidance.

What are the top three signs that a child may have SM?

1) Extreme shyness in any new environment which does not allow them to speak
2) Shows NO emotion
3) "shuts down" and freezes

Life is full of surprises. What has raising a child who has SM taught you about parenting, life, or yourself?

I learned that, as parents, we need to let our children live as they are. We need to let them take their time with their own issues, not to push or expect anything more then they can give. We cannot control everything or continuously do for them. We must let them fall while we are available to be there for them. Some day we won't be there and then what? But most of all, PATIENCE. I, by far, am the least patient person in the world, yet dealing with SM, I continue to learn and work on patience.

The biggest thing is that it is not always about me or me being the salvation for my children and it does not mean they don't love us.

Every person is unique and has so much to offer the world. What do you see in your daughter that is unique and wonderful?

My daughter is a beautiful soul with the biggest heart for others, particularly children and animals. She is extremely talented and creative in writing, film production, and music (self taught in piano, guitar). What others think or say or have does not matter to her. Although she is very beautiful, she has no clue. What she does have is a pure genuine, old soul.

_The light and dark of my daughter today_

At the age of 17, she continues to not show emotion. When she hugs, it seems extremely awkward for her to do and lacks the affection she used to show. She continues to not participate in school. Her activities continue to be in the creative/artistic field (non-confrontational). She still has same three friends from elementary school. She stays home if it's just her and one friend maximum, possibly two friends if they are going to Starbucks, a movie, or the bookstore (all places that are quiet). The only time she is loud and full of life is when she is with her sisters at a tailgate event or if the one sister closest in age is with her. You see a difference in her as if there was a bright light on her.

Most recently, I questioned myself thinking maybe she is better, maybe she doesn't have SM. When we went to see her college of choice (very small college, smaller than her HS), where her sister goes (safety), she was so excited on the ride out. She spoke all about it. When we arrived her sister met us with her two friends. My daughter shut down completely. I never saw that around her sister. She kept her head down, would not take a picture, would not speak, hands in pocket or simply picked on her nails. When I would ask her something, she could not answer or would say "Huh?".

When we all went for pizza, she whispered what she wanted so low that one of the girls repeated for her. My husband and I decided to walk behind the girls to observe their interaction and we saw her walking behind alone with her head down, hands in pocket. One of the girls said, "Come on!" and hugged her back up front with them (she uneasily walks pulling away from the girl, never taking her hands out of her pockets or talking.

In closing, I need to say as days and years go by, I continue to learn and face new obstacles about SM. I recommend that people who think they could be dealing with SM in their families do your research! The Selective Mutism Group has a great website with tons of information.

For more on:

Selective Mutism
Being a Loner
Autism, here and here.

Aberrations, Metallica, MTV, and Christopher Walken

What does Aberrations have in common with Metallica? They're both featured in the December issue of Print Magazine. Greenleaf Book Group, the publisher of Aberrations, has won a spot in Print Magazine's 2009 Regional Design Award for their amazing book cover created by Sheila Parr. Aberrations joins the ranks of high profile winners such as:

Newsweek (cover)
Metallic (Album package for Death Magnetic)
MTV (Graphics for Rock the Cradle)
Starbucks (Packaging)
Wanted (DVD packaging)
Vampire Weekend (Posters)
Marilyn Manson (Poster)
Michael Chabon (Book cover for Maps & Legends)
Christopher Walken (Book cover for Christopher Walken A to Z)

Print is a bimonthly magazine about visual culture and design. Founded in 1940 by William Edwin Rudge, Print is dedicated to showcasing the extraordinary in design on and off the page. Covering a field as broad as communication itself—publication and book design, animation and motion graphics, corporate branding and rock posters, exhibitions and street art—Print covers commercial, social, and environmental design from every angle. Engagingly written by cultural reporters and critics who look at design in its social, political, and historical contexts, Print explores why our world looks the way it looks, and why the way it looks matters.

Aberrations is a winner for the US Southwest region where Greenleaf Book Group is located. Winners for the region were chosen by Christopher Silas Neal, a Brooklyn-based illustrator and designer whose work has been recognized by Print, Communication Arts, American Illustration, the AIGA, the Society of Illustrators, and the Society of Publication Designers. He illustrates the New York Times column "Modern Love" and teaches illustration at Pratt Institute.

According to Mr. Neal, "It's not necessarily the type of industry that elicits good design--it's the personality of the client and the relationship between the designer and the client that produces something exceptional." I'd like to think that was the case for Aberrations. As the client, I was able to brainstorm with Sheila, and contribute my own vision and personality to the cover. Her ability to transform that creatively, while keeping true to the novel's story, was amazing.

According to Print, "For many Print readers who give us feedback about the annual, the issue is a yearly treat, a chance to eyeball the competition, to steal, ah, riff on ideas, and to get an instant impression of the design zeitgeist of the entire nation."

Aberrations may not be on the New York Times Bestseller List, but reviews are great and the cover has risen through the ranks of many thousands of other designs to true distinction according to Print and a New York Times illustrator.
I love it!

To read more about the Aberrations cover, go here.