Guts and Art: Sebastien Aurillon

"... at the end of the day you just have to listen to your guts ..."

Literary critic and writer, Cyril Connolly said, "Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." Although I agree with his statement 100%, I often struggle with the concept. I don't want to write or paint strictly for the public but I want the public to care about what I write and paint.

Okay, I admit that I want it all to be awesome. I want my work to be some of the best around! I want to wake up in that city that doesn't sleep to find I'm king of the hill, top of the heap ... lalalala

The issue is that while everyone's so different and interesting, there exists an average. It's statistics; I'm not knocking anyone. There is an average Joe, an average reader, an average art lover, etc. It often seems like to get to the top of the heap, creative folks must emerge as the best at pleasing the mighty average.

Huh?

Does that mean the creative gal who places in the average zone of the bell curve, just short of the spectacular tail, has the best possible chance of rising above the crowd, and therefore bouncing over to the highly successful group? Are you following?

And is that the way it should be?

Creative folks can determine what's hot and attempt to do that, or we can do something that gives hot a whole new meaning. I create what I want and need to because that's all I know how to do. I can only be myself; I'm not good enough to be all the other people too. Honestly, it gets lonely sometimes feeling that the things I'm pouring my time and heart into could ultimately be meaningless crap, or that it just may be too different for the average to embrace ... not commercial enough for some reason. On those days I tell myself "it's definitely not crap" because after all, I created it for myself and that's all that counts, right?

But wait!

If I truly did it all for myself wouldn't I simply file my finished manuscripts in a drawer instead of sending them to my agent? Maybe I'd display them in nice glass boxes that sit on pedestals in my formal living room.

(Hey, there's an idea for a kooky, thought-provoking piece of art--a lonely manuscript representing years of work encased in glass. Out of reach, is it still art?)

Wouldn't I lovingly hang my paintings around the house and forget about New York? Wouldn't I stop feeling like I want to hurl when I read the bestseller list each week, especially when a novel I just struggled to read (due to its ordinary, meaningless content) is at the top of the list?

My guest today, artist and art consultant Sebastien Aurillon, brings up the the important notion of how we each define success. It's not always as simple at 'ole Cyril makes it sound. I've adjusted my definition of success over the last twenty years but a few visions have remained ... bordering on fantasy, of course.

• My novels are at the front of Borders and Barnes & Noble.
  
• There are sparkling New York Times book reviews, and my novels are absolutely on that bestseller list.
  
• My art hangs in galleries in New York, Paris, Basel, etc. People find it extremely interesting, filled with story and emotion. The write up in Gallery & Studio is spectacular.
  
• One lonely teenage girl reads my novel, Boundaries, and realizes that her life is worth much more than she previously thought.
• A movie wins the Oscar for best adaptation from an original source (my novel). The producer holds his gold in the air and says, "And last but not least, I want to thank Penelope Przekop for writing such a honest and moving story." Tears, forged through years of dedication, roll down my face.
  
• There exists a Wiki page, a legacy, a body of creative work that ultimately relays something meaningful to the world.

All this simply because those who know believe it's just that good. Have I ever once imagined millions of dollars in my bank account (fortune), or people begging for my autograph (fame)? No.

My overarching dream has been to create something brutally honest, something people recognize themselves in and, in doing so, they see me. I become real. Perhaps this need to yank out what's inside me and make it tangible stems from my childhood. I grew up being overlooked in an odd way, groping through the shadows of a larger than life mother. There were no mirrors in that darkness. And besides that, I absolutely LOVE books, stories, pictures, paintings, color, interesting lines, etc.

Using those tools, I want to create a reflection for others so that they can become mine. My favorite books are The Scarlett Letter and The Dying Animal, and I love art that probably wouldn't look right over the sofa. I'm not here to entertain the largest chunk of the bell curve. I never was. Besides, we've got James Patterson for that.

Based on his nagging definition of success, Sebastien stepped away from the corporate gravy train to pursue his creative interests. He knew it was a gamble in terms of potential achievement. But ultimately, we're each alone with those definitions swimming in our heads, knowing we only have so much time. Perhaps in the end, feeling fulfilled in a more authentic way, and knowing you had the nerve to follow your guts makes the gamble worthwhile. That seems to be the case for Sebastien these days.

Interesting that Cyril Connolly's most well-known book, Enemies of Promise, combined literary criticism with an autobiographical exploration of why he failed to become the successful author of fiction that he had aspired to be in his youth.

Needless to say, he still got a Wiki page.

What's your story (in a nutshell)? How did you end up where you are today? Are you surprised by where you are, or did you always see it coming?

I suddenly left the corporate world in 2002 after working for years as an export manager for high-end Parisian companies--to just paint. Three years later, I was having my first solo show in Paris. Two weeks after that, I was meeting Bob Hogge and Marina Hadley at the Monkdogz Urban Art Gallery in Chelsea. They gave me my first show in New York and hired me as an art consultant a few months later.

This being said, I really don't feel I've gotten anywhere yet. There's still a long way to go, but I've always had a deep feeling that my adventure was going to be unusual.

With regard to your current focus in life, was there an "ah-ha" moment you can tell us about?

Probably right before I left the corporate life. One night during dinner my best friend asked me, "Are you going to wait to be 50 before you make that jump?”

I quit my job the week after.

What are your thoughts on the stereotypes that creative people sometimes fall into?

Some of the most common fantasies are chasing up anything that's not directly linked to the creative process like fame or immediate gratification ... or when artists think it's enough to keep your work in your studio, whereas you really have to put it out there in the world.

Do you believe being creative has caused you aberrations in life, helped you deal with life's aberrations, or both?

It definitely helped me to deal with some of life's craziness because being creative forces you to put things into different perspectives--a bit like a distorted vision of reality's insanity. On the other hand, I can't see how being creative would cause aberrations in life. On the contrary, it just makes you look at it through different glasses.

Have you had to deal with people in your life failing to understand your creative personality or drive? If so, can you tell us about it and how you've dealt with it?

I found very little support when I transitioned from the corporate life to a creative one; most people thought I was going nuts. My father told me I was going to become a bum ... how much confidence did he have in me?

We act like mirrors to others, and I soon realized that my choice of a completely different lifestyle was awaking people's worse fears and insecurities.

How are you going to live?
What about your retirement plan?

But at the end of the day you just have to listen to your guts and surround yourself with positive people. I stopped listening a long time ago to nonconstructive critics, whether coming from those close by or from art dealers.

So far, the majority of those I've interviewed about creativity say that the internal question of, "Am I truly creative or do I just think I am?" has never crossed their mind. Is this true for you? Am I the only one who has, at times, wondered if I'm just kidding myself?

Well, I don’t know if you're the only one, but that question has definitely never ever crossed my mind. For me it would be like asking myself, “Am I alive or do I just think I am?”

I can question the quality, the pertinence, the technique of a creative work I have completed but not if it is, in its essence, a creative work.

Unfortunately, many creative people never achieve the success they dream about. Which of your dreams have come to pass and what do you dream about now?

First of all success has a different meaning to us all. It is fame? Is it financial? Being recognized by your peers? Because I have a rich spiritual life, my own beliefs are that success will come if it’s meant to be, and also most likely if you let go of the idea itself.

Be tenacious but be aware of the intentions you put behind it. I don’t believe you can be successful if you’re not doing it for reasons that are right for you.

I am personally ready to see all my dreams come true.

I often wonder about the similarities and differences creative people have in terms of thought processes. Is there one method or way that you get most of your ideas, and if so, can you describe that? If not, can you tell us a little bit about how your mind works?

I guess all artists get asked that question.

My first impulse has always been to say that I have no idea, that it is such a subconscious process that I have no control over it. However, I've revised that answer since trying to put more conscious meaning into my art, give it more depth, and communicate with subjects that are more intimate to me.

What are the top three characteristics highly creative people need to be successful, in your opinion?

Talent, a fair amount of neurosis, and tenacity.

What is your primary motto or mantra in life?

Create art that will make people feel good and believe that anything is possible.



Learn more about Sebastien and his unique work on his site.

Tween

Tween
20" x 24" Acrylic on Canvas, Mixed Media

This abstract of my 10-year-old daughter who loves basketball was created to practice a particular method of painting prior to beginning a series of nudes in chaos. I've never painted a complete face before. Although this one is not a perfect match, I feel that it works. My intention was to keep it abstract while capturing the essence of my almost 5'5" daughter who looks like a little girl one moment and a young teen the next (a sort of ongoing morphing that changes her daily).

Here's a picture of the cute model:

Detail Pics:


















To see more of my work, visit my site.

On Wednesday: Artist Sebastien Aurillon. Don't miss it!

Art, Wall Street, Cabs, and Orphans: Kevin O'Hanlon

"The things we think are goals are often pieces of the puzzle."

Today I woke up to learn that a friend of mine lost his college-age son this morning to a vehicle accident. Again, I'm reminded how ridiculously silly most of the things we worry over and complain about really are. In the end, life is too short for all of us, too brief to waste precious time failing to love one another and ourselves. Too short to stop following our dreams. Too abrupt to wallow in our shortcomings rather than celebrate our gifts.

When I was eighteen, one of my best childhood friends was killed in a car accident along with two other girls from my high school. It was the my first taste of death, and the incident changed my life. The vast opportunities before me were suddenly illuminated. Years of possibility stretched out into my horizon--all those my friend had lost. I vowed that I would make my life count, that I'd not be lazy, and that I'd make some kind of difference or live up to my potential. Part of me was bitterly disturbed over their deaths, but another part was finally ready to soar.

Now, decades later, I sometimes wish I wasn't stuck with living just one life, flying on just one trajectory. There are a million things I'd love to do, a zillion choices I wish I'd made, and many that I'd still like to make. Yet I realize that all my decisions in succession are forming a puzzle-piece path, perhaps one that I won't clearly understand until I reach the end.

My guest today, photographer/filmmaker Kevin O'Hanlon seems somehow pull off living in many different scenarios set in interesting and diverse places around the world such as Australia, in New York City cabs, on Wall Street, in Haiti, and in the global art scene. How does he do it? Well, he seems to manage by not over managing.

Instead, he goes where his gut leads him without a second thought. What a gift! It sounds easy. (I'm guessing that it hasn't been.) But he's worked it out and created a life for himself that's both comfortable and rewarding, and that focuses on his gifts and interests. In the end, perhaps that's all we can hope for, whether it means following one trajectory or several. One man's road may be a five-layer highway surrounded by city lights while his neighbor's is a twisting gravel path winding its way through a beautiful, dark forest. Both can be filled with danger and beauty, heartache and triumph.

I realized long ago that no matter what I'm doing or where I am, life won't be a piece of cake. The grass isn't greener on the other side, and completely dumping one life for another isn't always the grand spanking hoopla you imagine it might be. There will always be trials, challenges, hardships, disappointment, and even death in every scenario you can envision. In the end, I suppose the greatest goal is to make the most of it, focusing on the positives--to look around and appreciate what's there and what you can bring to the scene.

Kevin's inspirational story reminds us that it's never too late to take on new challenges. The path is still forming. It's only limited by our own short-sightedness and insecurities.

Life is truly a gift.

What's your story (in a nutshell)? How did you end up where you are today? Are you surprised by where you are, or did you always see it coming?

My story starts in Dublin, Ireland where I lived until I was twenty-one. With a great interest in writing and shooting 8mm film (mostly of my sibling's weddings), I came to New York. Via quite a few twists and turns (I was a horse handler in the Australian outback, wrote a series of articles about life in China from my perspective as a bicyclist, an eight-year stink as a broker on Wall Street and a turn at being a cab driver), I now own an art space in Chelsea and make documentaries about artists.

I ask myself how I ended up where I am today all the time. I'm fortunate (I think) in that I've never been too concerned with doing things for security or comfort. I always migrate towards the things and people that excite and inspire me. It's a struggle of course in our industrial world living by what direction your mind conjures up, but I think it's good for the spirit and that ultimately you'll end up where you're supposed to be. It's all about the ride and enjoying the process of what's coming next. I really see anything coming.

This might sound embarrassing but my mind always seems to have rejected the notion of time. It's only now that I'm beginning to get a sense of the cycle of seasons. If a situation or conversation grabs me, I become oblivious to everything else. I've never looked at a weather forecast in my life so I'm excited by the potential weather and experience of each day.

For instance, I was just in Costa Rica where I now have a small home. I was making a documentary about this amazing woodcarver in the rain forest. At the airport in Miami on the way back I saw the news about Haiti. The next day my friend asked me to forward an email about a kids school she's connected with there to our gallery mailing list. I wrote her back that I could do better than that. I could go to Haiti and bring art supplies so I could paint with the kids, have fun, and bring the artwork back to my gallery and have a benefit for them. So, long answer to your short question: I never see what's coming, nor would I want to.

With regard to your current focus in life, was there an "ah-ha" moment you can tell us about?

Yes (ha,ha) I have had several, two actually in the last few months! I have run my own production company, Rogue Studios, for over 10 years. It's a creative lifestyle and I've always enjoyed its challenges. My studio is in what was two former art galleries in Chelsea NY, so by virtue of my location, I became more and more involved in making documentaries about artists through my company FilmsOnArtists.com.

I find it interesting now that I segued into something I absolutely love and that taps into several areas which are strengths for me. The films I make have been predominantly for American artists. (There's the background.) Last Summer I was listening to an audio book called The Four Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferris. I was checking to see if I could pick up any tips on how to gain back some free time from my work. One part of the book really turned on the lights for me and in that moment I knew how the next several years or perhaps the rest of my life would be spent.

There was a section where the author asked what are the things you want to do when you retired. I duly answered: Make movies and travel. The author went on to remind me that it makes no sense to wait until retirement to accomplish any dreams. In fact "there was every reason not to." When I added up those words, what I got from it was that I needed to get out and travel right now and make films about artists in interesting locations around the world.

By traveling I would be creating compelling documentaries about interesting creative people and how they think and hopefully by their collection, I would establish a dialogue between all of those people - something that would provide insight into where we are as people and where we're going. So philosophically, the question the author posed brought me to this revelation that I could be living my dream right here and now.

Even more of an "ah ha" moment was the fact that I actually, really "had" to get out in the world and make these movies because they would really publicize what I do and popularize the concept. Pretty much everything in the path of my creative life became resolved in that moment. I had all the information already, nothing had been added. It was just a moment of clarity where I re-worked the individual elements of what I had going on, and all of a sudden the new path was not only revealed, but it as also the absolute the only way for me to go. Any concerns about the future were all re-focused on the journey I was embarking on at that moment.

Realizing fully that procrastination was not only folly but in real "today" terms I now knew clearly that there was absolutely no reason not to move forward in my chosen creative direction. It was no longer a reward or some sort of delayed gratification, it was a project I needed to do right now because it brought to the forefront all of my strengths, and in terms of business it now allows me the flexibility to expand into different creative areas. Yes, I'd say that was a real ah-ha moment.

So far I traveled to Costa Rica to make movie about an artist in the rain forest there which was an amazing experience. This week I'm in Haiti to organize 160 homeless children to paint images which I'll bring to my gallery Rogue Space in Chelsea for an art auction. Coming up next month, I have a trip to Mongolia and one to Greece in June. I'm sure more will materialize now that I've put a step forward.

I'll make documentaries of artists in their own unique corner of the world, experience their creative world, and ultimate see where the dialogue with individual artists interconnects with a universal dialogue. As all artists are out there in the future, charting territories we have haven't arrived at yet, I think that their combined dialogue will reveal a lot about where we're at and where we're all headed.

What are your thoughts on the stereotypes that creative people sometimes fall into?

Owning an art gallery in the heart of Chelsea's art business, we're connected daily with a lot of artists. They are generally very cool, open and positive people. One stereotype that seems to keep popping up is that a lot of artists today are convinced they need to suffer for their art or it somehow isn't valid.

How crazy is that?

I think it feeds into some TV generation notion of western romanticism. I'm not about suffering thing at all. I would love people to flourish in their time. We organize community events, workshops and seminars at our gallery and I always try to encourage people to focus on the positive things that come from a creative life. It's not always financial remuneration that counts, in fact it rarely is.

I think a lot of artists want to be rock stars these days and that puts a lot of pressure on them to exist day to day. Some of the most successful artists I know could easily be hedge fund managers or investment bankers or be top-of-their-field event planners. They have ability but what makes them exceptional is that they want to flourish and continue to live creative lives. They aren't interested in being starving artists. It's very difficult to be creative when you're living under a bridge.

On the contrary, they're constantly evolving humans and responsible to their abilities. It's more difficult path surely than buying into the "'I must suffer" mode because it requires constant effort but I think most successful artists are unique individuals who burn up challenge and adversity for what it brings. They don't view the struggle as their diet or crutch, they view it as fuel to be re-purposed and channelled and focused and they trust that something cool will come from it, or that it's a necessary stepping stone to what ultimately comes into being.

Do you believe being creative has caused you aberrations in life, helped you deal with life's aberrations, or both?

I'm all about aberration. Aberration is difference and change. It's shifting, it's breaking down what you've become comfortable with. It's about discovery. For a long time I thought life would be easier following a more conventional and stable life than one which requires that you reinvent yourself and not know what's next. But now I regard that as a gift. My artists friends have thought me how to create a wave which then carries you to the next spot. You have to trust the wave for it to work and you have to enjoy the possibility that you'll wipe out, too. I worked in finance in the World Trade Center for eight years as a broker, so I'm familiar with a more conventional life with less aberrations, but looking back I see that a life that isn't based on your spirit and passion and creativity is not always a comfortable existence. Probably a creative life appears more erratic to some, but actually it can is more consistent if it is for real.

Have you had to deal with people in your life failing to understand your creative personality or drive? If so, can you tell us about it and how you've dealt with it?

I don't think people have difficulty in understanding a creative person's drive. In most cases, I'm pretty sure they admire and respect that person's choices. I think where it can get more difficult is when artists have to struggle to get through to their next level. Having people be concerned for your well being can be exhausting, even if not articulated. In my own case, the first third of my life was comfortable, even privileged. But I felt so strongly the urge to move away from that and ultimately jumped into a life with no safety net or any feeling of entitlements. It took me years to spiral, literally let go all the support systems, and arrive to a place where I felt like I was actually engaging creatively with the world in a genuine way. That part was very difficult to go through because it's difficult to explain when on the surface it looks like you're falling ... so you deal with it

So far, the majority of those I've interviewed about creativity say that the internal question of, "Am I truly creative or do I just think I am?" has never crossed their mind. Is this true for you? Am I the only one who has, at times, wondered if I'm just kidding myself?

Hmmm, that's interesting. Ultimately any creative act has great merit. We're certainly not all Picasso but in my humble estimation all humans have an element of creativity. To be human is part of being creative. We are the product of creation. It's really just a matter of how much the drive exists to pursue expression. I interview a lot of artists in my work. Sometimes artists I speak with are consumed by a desire to reveal, sometimes to celebrate, sometimes to understand their relationship to the world. These are all forms of being creative. Not all will end up in a gallery in Chelsea or at the Whitney Biennial, but it's important more so that those artists progress with their expression and not get discouraged.

I'm sure there are people who like the idea of being an artist, just like some people like the idea of being in a relationship in theory, but really might not be actually want to be in one. If people do anything because of the idea of it versus a genuine connection to it, then of course they're kidding themselves. But other than that, a kid drawing on the back of a matchbox can be as artistic and interesting as a Jeff Coons, for example.

Unfortunately, many creative people never achieve the success they dream about. Which of your dreams have come to pass and what do you dream about now?

Success is relative. If you're talking about financial success then of course not too many people are going to be able to succeed there. How many artists do you know who live entirely from their art? It's a very difficult thing to do. But this whole wealthy artist thing is such a recent phenomenon.

We forget that creatives have almost always lived hand to mouth throughout history. Van Gogh painted through prison bars for goodness sake. It just very recently with Soho and Chelsea and Charles Saatchi, that the concept of being an art superstar has crept into our vocabulary. If people are real and they find an outlet for their connection to the world, then they are already successful artists in my book.

I don't really look at dreams in terms of them coming to pass. I spent many years and poured all by energy into trying to make a feature film I wrote with a friend. We came very close; we had studios in Hollywood flying us out for meetings. We had famous actors committed. It took so long and there were so many variables that it just somehow passed by. As disappointing as that was in my life, I try to look at that stuff philosophically. The story had some elements of me in there, plots I wanted to resolve. But now that I review that period, I think just the examination of those things pushed me in the direction I needed to be in--making documentaries--and I couldn't be happier or more excited about what's next. The things we think are goals are often pieces of the puzzle. The trick is not to stop, ACT out the next scene because more than likely it's the whole reason for the rigmarole that preceded it.

I often wonder about the similarities and differences creative people have in terms of thought processes. Is there one method or way that you get most of your ideas, and if so, can you describe that? If not, can you tell us a little bit about how your mind works?

Jeepers, that's not a tough question at all! I think I can answer it though. I like to be spontaneous in life. And I love people's mind, particularly creative ones. I love to daydream and transport myself to another place or time. So what I do 9-5 is absorb and collaborate and daydream. I'm very fortunate in my work situation. I own a art gallery space in Chelsea - Rogue Space.




We have group shows there, all sorts of fun events, art auctions and benefits, artists workshops, all that. I also have a revolving group of interns who work at the space. My favorite thing is to have a conversation and discover some kernel of a creative project that might be cool. Then that gets teased out, logistics be damned, and I state the aim, pick a date and start the engines.

One recent example came a few weeks ago. I was making a transfer at Miami airport and saw the earthquake in Haiti. I really hated the reportage style. I think we often are comforted by misery--some dark thing that morbidly attracts us to disasters. Probably it's a way of feeling better that it's not happening to us.

When I arrived home I read an email from my friend who asked if I would forward an appeal letter for a school in Haiti that had been destroyed. I started to email her back and in that instant promised that I could do better than forward a link. I'll go there myself and I'll put together a big art project and get all the kids to paint and draw. Then I'll get the artwork back to NYC and have a benefit in my gallery and it'll help rebuild the school.

Boom. Boom.

Having stated it, there was no choice but to do it. Having seen some creative projects languish through elongation, my creative process now is the catapult approach. I like to grab onto a thought and wrestle it into being.

What are the top three characteristics highly creative people need to be successful, in your opinion?

I think creative people are connected to life and are curious about the world and people. They are open. They are generally thoughtful and kind because more than likely they've been on the road and know how important it is to lend a hand to a fellow traveler ... because we are all travelling ultimately.

What is your primary motto or mantra in life? Why is this important to you?

I don't know that I've ever had a mantra. To be honest a mantra that one would speak over and over to me can become a little like a religion. A mantra sounds like it's something I'm not supposed to vary from. As I've been a card carrying atheist since I was in my early teens, I think my equivalent of a mantra is to always be open and receptive to everyone and everything.

If I found myself not doing that I would repeat some mantra to remind me. There's nothing more fascinating than people. I like to see where they're at. For me personally, my own version of God is that we are all parts of him, and in many ways we're all different facets of each other at different phases. So how cool is it to see the many faces of God and ourselves each day and to assemble those parts into who were are. I think that's one of the most creative acts period.

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Be sure to check out Kevin's films on artists here.

Also, learn more about the Rogue Space Auction to benefit the Maranatha Orphanage and School in Haiti on April 27th.

Lost in Chaos

Lost in Chaos
24" x 36" Acrylic on Canvas, Mixed Media

Please visit my site, Gallery 4, to view detail pics.

Disciplined Dreamer: Melissa Walker

"It's discipline--not the muse--that gets the work done."

I strive to be stay focused and exercise discipline. I make lists and enjoy crossing off the items as they're accomplished. When I worked full time in the pharmaceutical industry, my daily list was usually two pages long. There was so much to do! If I stopped for even a moment, I'd fail. I couldn't "do it tomorrow" because I knew morning would bring a brand new list my way.

I got a heck of a lot done! I also watched a lot of life pass me by. I lacked the time and energy needed to reach out and grab it.

Now that I'm writing and painting full time, my basic to-do list has shriveled.

It's more like:

1) Email
2) Write blog entry and post
3) Paint
5) Write novel
4) Fold and put away laundry

I often break a few of these down into much more detailed lists, but overall, it's still shorter than it was when I was: working as global director at Johnson & Johnson; raising a teenager and a toddler; working on a Master's Degree; writing a novel on the side; finding time for my husband, etc. That took tenacity, gumption, dedication, organization, and discipline!

So now that I have more time, I often feel like I'm in slow motion. It's a strange phenomenon. Sometimes having all the time in the world isn't quite the great medicine you thought it would be. The feeling of "I can do it tomorrow" sucks the life right out of you--if you lack discipline. And as my guest today, author and journalist Melissa Walker, points out, discipline is needed to bring creativity to life.

Leaving the corporate world was a huge adjustment for me, especially in terms of the writing. For nearly twenty years, I dreamed of being at home writing. Forced to carve out time, I wrote at lunch and pediatric waiting rooms. I wrote at 1:00 in the morning and while waiting in line to pick up my cheerleading daughter.

I got used to it; I adapted. Now that I'm sitting at home with nothing to do but write, it's somehow more difficult to get started. I won't say that I have writer's block, yet something is holding me back. I've written about 10,000 words on my new novel when I should have written 20,000 (according to my list).

Melissa has kindly reminded me that no matter what your situation may be, discipline remains key to seeing the work move out of your head and into your hands.

I'm giving myself a sharp slap on the wrist. Once this is posted, I'm working on that novel!

Thanks Melissa!

I often wonder if most highly creative people are born knowing what they want to do. Have you always wanted to be a writer, or was it a specific creative interest that evolved over time?

I always wanted to write. I banged out my first story, "The Very Vain Cloud," on my parents' typewriter at age six or so.

Do you have other creative interests, and if so, what are they?

I enjoy visual arts also--I love contemplating cover designs of books and thinking about colors, fonts, shapes, etc. But the truth is, that's just for fun. I don't think I have talent in that area. Writing is my real focus.

There is a stereotype that creative people are "different," which can be a positive or a negative at times. What are your thoughts on this?

I think creative people dream more, and that's a good thing!

Do you believe being creative has caused you aberrations in life, helped you deal with life's aberrations, or both?

I believe being creative has both caused some aberrations (just the fact that I don't have a traditional paycheck, for one) and helped me deal with some too. The idea of working in an office all day is an aberration to me--I knew that from the first year after I graduated from college and I set about trying to be sure I could find a career that wouldn't insist upon that. Writing pointed me in the right direction and showed me a job I could do on my own time, in my own way.

Have you had to deal with people in your life failing to understand your creative drive? If so, can you tell us about it and how you've dealt with it?

I haven't, really. I've been lucky. My parents were always very encouraging of my dream of becoming a writer, and I think that's why I'm sitting in my pink flowered writing chair today.

I often wonder, "Am I truly creative or do I just think I am?" Have you ever wondered about this? In a world filled with creative people and people who think they're creative, how have you been able to distinguish yourself and your talent, despite any doubts along the way?

Oh yes! I can't distinguish any talent. I just wing it and hope against hope that I've put up enough smoke and mirrors to make someone think I can do this writing work. I think all writers are insecure that way. At least, that's what I hear.

Unfortunately, many creative people never achieve the success they dream about. How did (or do) you cope with disappointments? What motivated you to keep going, to not give up?

I struggle with this regularly. I think everyone has ups and downs, but rolling with them instead of fighting them is important. Also: Do what you love. Then even if success feels far away, you're enjoying the journey.

I often wonder about the similarities and differences creative people have in terms of thought processes. How would you describe your creative process? How does your mind work?

I outline. I put on music. I watch TV. I take walks. My mind circles the whole time and then I sit down to work. It's really the sitting down to work that does it. It's discipline--not the muse--that gets the work done.

What are the top three characteristics of a highly creative person, in your opinion?

I don't know about everyone but I feel that my creativity comes from:

1. Being a big dreamer

2. Watching the world around me closely

3. Reading anything and everything I can get my hands on.

Many creative people have tons of ideas but never follow through. I'm not sure if it's because they lack drive, organization, or focus. What are your thoughts on this phenomenon?

I think fear of failure gets in our way a lot. If something's unfinished, you don't have to show it to anyone and you don't have to risk rejection. But getting something done? That's a step toward the scary process of giving it to the world. It's terrifying!___________________________________________


Next Week: Kevin O'Hanlan, Photographer/Filmmaker and New York Gallery Owner

Also watch for NEW questions on creativity in upcoming interviews.

Little Girl Lost

Little Girl Lost

24" x 48" Acrylic on Canvas, Mixed Media

I'm a bit obsessive. I tend to plan, re-plan, over-plan, change plans, and change again, using lots of lists to help me remember my plans and ideas. With regard to painting, I usually plan out what I'm going to create in detail prior to beginning. In my normal process, although I allow for flexibility, it almost feels as if I've already created the work before beginning.

As discussed in my last blog post, I normally create a road map. The issue is that I began to wonder if these road maps were somehow holding me back. After much thought and discussion, and on the advice of my mentor, Bob Hogge, I set out to paint without a plan.

To start, I sifted through my huge pile of canvas scraps and selected pieces that appealed to me in terms of shape. In this case, I was looking for larger pieces (for no reason in particular). One by one, I pasted them onto the canvas. I didn't decide how to do it ahead of time. Instead, I took each piece and placed it as I went along in a way that visually appealed to me.

I had no thoughts about what it might become.

I placed the canvas pieces on the stretched canvas vertically, and had the idea that I'd paint it that way. However, after the pieces were all glued on, I felt like turning it horizontally. Once I did, I somehow knew that it belonged that way instead.

Next, I stared intently at the canvas for quite awhile ... looking for something, having no idea what I was looking for. The first images to emerge were the four shapes against the outer edges. I saw faces ... strange faces, kind of comical and mocking, but also bizarre and frightening. They were surrounding something in the center but I didn't know what it was yet.

So I cranked up my music and kept staring.

Then I saw the face of a girl, a combination child/teenager, in the center. I sat for quite awhile trying to see how her face would emerge out of the odd shapes there. I eventually saw the eyes and then that the big pieces to each side were strange ponytails.

So from all this, as I began to paint, the idea grew. The last piece I figured out was the upside down cross that also serves as a knife.

Through this process, I realized that the shapes pulled out what they wanted from my head, and that I had to let that happen, to not be afraid. The experience was fascinating because it wasn't as if I decided what it should be, it was as if I saw what it was ... it was almost a kind of magical feeling, sort of frightening and exciting all at once.

I sat there thinking, "No, it's not that. That's not what it is," rather than, "I could make it this or that." There's a difference.

As I was painting, I knew it was me again expressing my childhood fears about demons and my confusion about religion, and close mindedness. Also my anger about how those things hurt me, and my deviance and defiance in the face of that pain. (I realize it may sound a bit dramatic to some, but it is what it is. I am who I am.)

I plan to continue this process for awhile and see where it leads. Should be interesting!

Detail Pics:

I hope you'll pop over to my site to see additional detail pics, and my previous work.

Movie Magic: Caesar Augustus

"Having the end result in mind has brought my best results."

I'm always amazed at the blend of creativity and project management needed to direct and produce films. A keen ability to visualize the big picture and the details while also bringing people, plans, and ideas together to meet deadlines and follow a budget can seem overwhelming to folks--both on the left and the right--of the brain, that is. No wonder they call it Movie Magic. My guest today, Director/Producer Caesar Augustus provides a great example of this amazing mental fusion, which he intends to take all the way to the top.

As I was growing up, I got the whole right brain, left brain scenario stuck in my head. As a highly creative person and an interior designer, I knew my mother primarily used her right brain, and as a high school administrator, my dad exercised his left. I thought it was an either/or situation.

Little did I know.

Here's a refresher:

Right Brain
(intuitive)

• Responds to demonstrated instructions
• Problem solves with hunches, looking for patterns and configurations
• Looks at similarities
• Is fluid and spontaneous
• Prefers elusive, uncertain information
• Prefers drawing and manipulating objects
• Prefers open ended questions
• Free with feelings
• Prefers collegial authority structures

Left Brain
(rational)

• Responds to verbal instructions
• Problem solves by logically and sequentially looking at the parts of things
• Looks at differences
• Is planned and structured
• Prefers established, certain information
• Prefers talking and writing
• Prefers multiple choice tests
• Controls feelings
• Prefers ranked authority structures
  

Unfortunately, for many years I essentially ignored my left brain (or it ignored me). Then to emotionally survive, I swung far to the left. With the help of my left brain, I built a life for myself and managed a relationship after multiple failures. What eventually happened is a whole other story, but needless to say, because my right is truly dominate, the two ultimately collided in an explosion that took quite a bit of time and effort to sort out.

With that said, I've learned that accomplishing creative projects often heavily depends on left-brain capabilities. For example, I doubt I could have completed a novel back when I was emerged in my right brain, running around like a maniac. I believe it took my left to say, "Hey, sit your a-- down now! Here's how you're going to make this idea a reality."

In my recent interviews focusing on creativity, I've asked why so many people start creative projects yet never finish. In many cases, I believe it has a lot to do with an inability to tap into the more project management-related skill sets, and apply them to what the creative side visualizes. I've certainly learned how important it is to plan my progress with the end result in mind.

Ironically, this week I've set out to paint a picture with no plan in mind. It's an experiment that has me feeling a bit uncomfortable. It's made me realize how much security I get from the planning process. I find that first creating a road map that takes me from point A to point B is a powerful process/tool. The issue is that sometimes a map can bring insidious inflexibility. It can cause the left brain to overpower the right, perhaps squealing amazing creative spark or emotional content. This is what I'm trying to better understand in terms of my own creative process and ability.

Free mapping it isn't so tough standing in front of a blank canvas, or perhaps sitting in front of a computer. Directing and producing a film is yet another story. There are bigger elements to be orchestrated, and planning seems to be essential. Orchestrating words, color, and lines is one thing, but creating movie magic is another.

I often wonder if most highly creative people are born knowing what they want to do. Have you always wanted to be involved in film making, or was it a specific creative interest that evolved over time?

I believe everyone is creative to a certain degree. Like most great things, my creativity developed and evolved over time. Nothing is better then hands on experience and working with others to expand on anything you do.

Growing up, I always had the family camera at hand. Like many young people, I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do as a career. As a Junior, I transferred to a new high school. Starting a new school, I only knew a handful of people. The guidance councilor suggested a good way to get involved at the school was to join WCHS-TV, a student operated television station servicing Coatesville Area Senior High School. The program ran every other day during advisory period and produced a show featuring school news, sports, features, and birthday segments coordinated by two co-hosts. We learned the basic aspects of television production, including reporting, writing, filming, editing and producing. Here is where I consider my creative career as a filmmaker found me.

I didn’t want to go to a new high school but for some reason life brought me there.

Do you have other creative interests, and if so, what are they?

I am also a graphic designer and an editor. I design all my material and edit all my projects. Here's our latest project that is currently on MTV:




There is a stereotype that creative people are "different," which can be a positive or a negative at times. What are your thoughts on this?

I have come across into many different and unique individuals in my industry. Different is absolutely needed in our field. It allows us all to create in a unique way.

The best part of what I do is work with all sort of different creative people. All units coming together to form one masterpiece is really one of my joys of being a Director/Producer.

Do you believe being creative has caused you aberrations in life, helped you deal with life's aberrations, or both?

I think both.

Being creative and focused, my goals have absolutely helped me deal with life’s aberrations. Since my career has a lot to do with being creative, it has helped me stay on course, always building, learning with each and every project and experience.

Building a good brand has always been my main focus. It has allowed me to experience both good and bad parts of the business but never has it been a set back.

On another side, I think you need to loose yourself within-in order to find your creativity. Sometimes that is where the best material is found. Wherever life brings you … good or bad ... it's all for a reason. We are the sum of all are experiences.

Have you had to deal with people in your life failing to understand your creative drive? If so, can you tell us about it and how you've dealt with it?

I have surrounded myself with people who believe in me, my work, and the vision that drives me creatively. If there is ever a question, I just look at how far we have come in a short amount of time, knowing that anything can be accomplished with the right determination, attitude and persistence.

I often wonder, "Am I truly creative or do I just think I am?" Have you ever wondered about this? In a world filled with creative people and people who think they're creative, how have you been able to distinguish yourself and your talent, despite any doubts along the way?

I think everyone is creative, whether you're baking a cake or creating a feature film. You're starting from scratch and adding your own touch.

I personally create from within. I find myself almost in a deep meditative state when I write, edit, or do anything creative. I feel the help of my guides come in when I really get into what I am doing.

Unfortunately, many creative people never achieve the success they dream about. How did (or do) you cope with disappointments? What motivated you to keep going, to not give up?

At an early age I understood that there will be lots of ups and downs in anything you do. It's how you work through them that determines the outcome. You are a success the minute you attempt to achieve your goal. If you fall … you get up and continue where you left off.

It's all a building process.

I often wonder about the similarities and differences creative people have in terms of thought processes. How would you describe your creative process? How does your mind work?

I always have the Beginning, Middle and End laid out before I begin most of my projects. Having the end result in mind has brought my best results.

My development process varies from project to project. It all depends on the length of the script, the actors, the set, and the crew your working with, as well as the budget. All this drawn together allows me to figure out which way I will be developing and orchestrating the production.

What are the top three characteristics of a highly creative person, in your opinion?

1. Attitude
2. Passion
3. Discipline

It can vary depending of on what creative field you're in. It's all about what you visually see before you can create anything.

Many creative people have tons of ideas but never follow through. I'm not sure if it's because they lack drive, organization, or focus. What are your thoughts on this phenomenon?

Some people don’t see themselves as what they wish to become. Since that first high school production, I've always seen myself doing what I do. Directing a BIG motion picture is my dream, and my end result. However, even when I get there, I'll adjust and have a whole new set of goals and dreams lined up.

Most people fail to see that discipline in mastering your craft, your drive, and putting this all together into working action is what's needed to truly achieve any goal. The bigger the dream and expectations, the more individual effort is needed to pull through.

You determine your outcome. See yourself there ... and I guarantee you WILL get there.

Learn more about Augustus Films on their site, Facebook, and MySpace.